After work

I go to the mall to buy clothes

in the clothing store

is all older women

and I feel so out of place

I have to search for pants and shirts

just like everybody else

I have to try on clothes

just like everybody else

their faces disgust me

what they buy disgusts me

I can’t believe they have bank accounts and children

little them running around

little monster versions of themselves

they have husbands and careers and wives

and medical conditions and cars and bowel movements

I can’t function out here

I don’t know what a mortgage is

I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to get married

buy food and clothes for children

worry too much about my job

and shop for trivial things so often

why must I also have to work and buy clothes for work?

can’t I just crawl into a hole somewhere?

these shopping malls make me want to murder

these adults make me sick

with what they do while waiting for the end

I go into the dressing room and try on my pants

I look into the mirror

and realize: one day

I too, will be one

of them. But,

I decided, I will

never

be like them.