in days past i felt blessed while sitting just thinking those simple thoughts

that wrap themselves around my heart and push in, intertwining with its core

and eluminating me with a light i failed to know existed

Now i am back, that hollow core that years before struggled with an issue,

and now again i struggle, and try to endure. But the cause of all this misery

is not something i can understand

A pile of feathers one by one has landed on my shoulders, and at first

gifted with the ability to fly from these newfound wings, i now find myself

over burdened with simple thoughts plucking into my imagination and stealing

away my dreams

Even now i cant sleep, its those feelings before me, the feeling and the following

lack of feeling that rushes in and kills me slowly stopping before i can no longer

breathe just letting me hang on for the next quandry letting my fingernails

grind to the edge of that cliff then stepping on them so the pain is so horrible

but i am not able to fall off and end my suffering

Thats where i find myself now as the morning sunlight rays begin to tweak over the

oncoming trees.  Thats where i am now, and everything else all that i felt and wish

to feel and all that emotion that so overwhelmed me and gave me strength

I cant find it now, it flees like a flame in wind and upon that notion i despair

i feel so insignificant and dont know whether or not, on that misery that i feel,

if that misery too feels as i do or if it just clutches on to pull at me

Perhaps the meaning that once was in all that pain and suffering has vanished like

and apparition and now all that is left is the enduring monotony, the tedium of the

whole situation plucking pieces from me until i am left with only what i need to live

and in bare bone emptiness i subside beneath all that i used to burry myself. I cant

help but question if now after all this time breaking down everything does not fall

into equal parts of happiness and sorrow, but more sorrow to balance out the feeling

or maybe my cards were misdelt, i dont know, i just wish i could shake this

restlessness.