I see the worldaround me, smiling, and it feels like a joke.

A joke being played on me, to remind me that I’m alone.

I lost him so suddenly. One day well and the next gone.

How could this happen?

I want to lash out at people who are happy.

How dare they say, I know how you feel.

They can’t possibly understand what I’m going through.

He was the best part of me, he was my world.

I don’t want to leave the house, I don’t even want to leave bed.

His pillow still holds his scent. I need to breathe it in, need to feel him.

I refuse to believe that it will ever get better.

Because if it gets better, that means I’m moving on.

And I promised till death do us part, but for me that meant eternity.

He was my mate, my partner, the father of my children.

Why did this have to happen?

I’m never going to stop loving him, and I can’t imagine, don’t want to imagine my world without him.

But now I don’t have a choice.