What is the universe

-Jupiter asks because he’s tired

of spinning around angry all the time-

These storms hurt, you know!

-And Neptune sighs classically

Rolling his giant eye before asking Pluto how he feels-

Left out.

-Mercury erupts again-

Anger doesn’t get you anywhere

-Says Saturn, who flashes his icy rings-

But apathy just leaves you rocky

-Replies Mars, bitterly-

At least you have a candy named after you,

I just get stomped on, chewed up, and paved.

-Earth says with a shrug,

As another 10 million die in an earthquake-

Stop being so melodramatic,

It could be worse.

-Venus spits out another ball of flame-

Yes

-Interjects Pluto-

They could revoke your planetary title completely.

-All the planets sigh

TVs and radios on Earth lose signal for a few seconds

Americans all simultaneously switch to Comcast-

We digress

-Jupiter waits patiently,

big brothers have to sometimes.

The tsunami finally hits a sad, third world country

16 million die

CNN is upset about another famous DUI-

The universe is cruel

I just want to spin the right direction

-Uranus complains

Neptune agrees

Pluto dejectedly ignores the comment

CNN includes a 30 second clip of the tsunami

American activists protest the news

Another 2 million die of malnutrition-