can you tell me what you’ve found?

Did you find the cold steel blade

or find an alliance twice betrayed?

Do they know who is to blame?

Is he treated with acclaim?

No, no, and again NO!

Why does he end up partially lame

and partially mentally maimed

What colour is THINK;

what taste is PINK?

The monsters that live under my bed

Aren’t as bad as the ones

who live inside my head.

People try to see who

and what I am – I don’t care.

They can go to hell – I’ll pay their fare.

Hell, I’ll even drive the bus for them.

They cannot see beyond the wall,

They try to climb, but they all fall.

To see, to point, to look and laugh,

They see me as the fatted calf.

My walls are built strong,

Built to keep most others out.

They are my only defence

against the pain.

This mindless, senseless,

unceasing pain.

Blunt with force & sharp like glass,

Cold like ice, hot volcanic blast.

Unending, mind-bending pain

making me want to retaliate

to strike out at ‘the system’,

striking out blindly

against those I love,

against those who mean

so much to me I cannot explain.

I try until my sinews strain

I cannot hurt the one’s I love

My family, my few but true friends

The ones who stand by me

through good and bad,

I treat them like crap

and it makes me feel sad.

It’s something I cannot control

Pethedine or Halaperidol

drugs for uppers, drugs for downs,

drugs for tripping just like clowns.

I try to stop, to just say no,

my mind is weak, and this I know.

I have to mask the side-effects

and get me past the day that’s next.

I’ve sort of got it under control

my sense of humour becomes quite droll.

But I do have one key.

One only, the only one that will fit the lock,

the lock to the door, that is hidden,

sunken and hid into the side of

my wall.

Welcome… I think.