Confusion

Fingers run through hair and clutch tightly
I feel the hair pull away from the scalp and I shiver
It’s a pleasant feeling, though it should be painful
A sigh escapes the lips and a tear rolls down the cheek
The pain is agonizing and mysterious, I question my sanity
As I sink into the bitterness of Confusion

Why is this happening? How did this come to be?
When will it end? When will I stop feeling the pain?
Why does it feel good, and bad? Why have a been given this burden?
Does she even know what she has done to me?
She smiles kindly but I look away quickly, flickering eyes hide the tears away
Why don’t I tell her how I feel? Why won’t I show my devastation?

Confusion is on both of our minds now
She looks at me with sympathy, or maybe pity
I pity her sympathy, I wallow in my sorrow
She does not know the thoughts deep within my mind
The secrets of a tortured soul, never to see the light of day
I am trapped in this Confusion, and she questions my sanity as I do
I sleep without rest, and dream without imagination
As a search for myself through this Confusion

______

Deprivation

It is like the need to fill your lungs with air
It is like the need to guzzle water
It is like the compulsion to slip into blissful sleep
That undying want for love to consume your being
To fill your soul as the water and air fill your veins and bring you to life
Your pitiful, meaningless excuse for existence is dependent on her
Only her

Such a woman as this was not meant for you
A deserving man could only even dream of holding her in his arms
Seeing her smile with such beauty that flowers never wither
You see her alone, and you cannot help but ask why
Could you ever deserve a woman such as this?

She is the life that you wish you could have
The wife you dream to possibly wed
The mother of children that will never exist
A woman who is too perfect for your world
You can only stop and stare
As she walks away