Doubt is a powerfull thing in everyone’s life. Doubt is an all consuming force that infects any and all human beings at some point. But how far can doubt be pushed upon you before you find yourself breaking. How long till you need something drastic just to prove you are still capable of making it though the day? It does not take like for the soul to become over burden with the plauges of doubt and sorrow.

Some get to a point where they can not be saved, some can not reach out to another human because no one can know that they suffer. I am an isolated being and even now I have my doubts as do we all. Some of the people closest to me couldn’t even begin to tell you of things I’ve seen of things I’ve suffered. I long ago decided that at the end of the day no matter what you will be alone to face that which plauges you. I did what everyone else has I tried to reach out but ever did I fail to actually grasp onto this “hope” that everyone else seems to have.

What do I like I ask myself again and again what is it that makes it so hard for me to be on the levels of others? Compassion? I doubt it for I do whatever I can to help others out. What else could be missing from me I wander. I’ve lived out in the world I’ve stared my very fears in the eyes and walked away with rekindled bravido. I can’t say I lack an ego ask anyone I’ve very self confident. Is it that I lack the ability to be decent, I’d say not less than any other I’ve done countless self less acts but still they fill me with nothing but emptiness. What do I need to get rid of this machine state of life I wander? I’ve tried going out being good friends throwing on the cheery face despite how agonizing the pain is inside. Is it that I am lonely? Again I doubt I have always been a creature that thrives alone.

The more I seem to explore my own soul the more confused I truely am about it..perhaps it is becase I feel a need to see logic in all of it. Logic which clearly has no strength in the world of emotions. But how does one go about feeling when despite how hard they try they are incapable of seeing the logic behind it? To me expressing how I feel to someone I care about is much trying to dodge rain in a hurricane. It is impossably hard, it requires no less than the highest of faiths I suppose. But that leads to how can you have faith in what you don’t see. At the very least I can say i am trying and that is a hard task all in it’s own.