Sugar

Sugar-sweet morsels on my tongue

Candy-red coating rubs off quickly

Completely addicting

I swallow quickly

Not wanting to lose it

That perfect sweet flavor that

Gives way to chalky bitterness

Sugar runs through my veins

It is my blood and my sustenance

My energy and my life

Underneath everything it powers me

I breathe pure sugar and only taste sugar

And cry myself sugar tears to sleep.

I have been told to stop

That nothing is worth the risk I take

For a little taste of that perfect sugar sweetness

I have been told to be rid of them

And sometimes I want to

But it’s impossible to stop needing

Those cloying life-givers

Sometimes I can’t stand them

They’re bitter and sweet at once

But I need them and will do anything

I no longer have morals

Sugar keeps me awake for hours

With the anger of my senses

And the babbling of my brain

I sleep little

Because sugar is all I need

I stay alive

Because sugar is all I need

I eat nothing

Because sugar is all I need

I can never get enough of it

That sweet, sweet sugar

I always need more

All of the time

I always swallow

And swallow again

Savoring each one

I look up and see her

I’ve always known someday I would

I can tell she’s disappointed

Disgusted, even

She knows I broke the promise

I made to her dying plea

To live without sugar

Without constant highs

Sleeping and eating like others

She has grown colder in her death

My baby sister has become death

I am weak to her

And her job is to lead the weak

She beckons with a bony hand

Her cloak blows

Fog gathering around it

She cuts through the air with a scythe

As if it were butter

She motions again

She has come for me

She is walking on air

She will not wait

It can’t happen to me

She has to give me another chance

But she already did

And I took it by making a promise

She grabs me roughly

And I flinch and the cold of her touch

It can’t happen to me

Sugar has never been cruel to me

It has brought others to her

But it can’t happen to me

My baby sister would never hurt me

But she’s not my baby sister anymore

Now she is death

Cold and unyielding

Her fingers dig into my shoulder

And she leads the way

As I begin to feel the cold

I close my eyes

I can hear my mother screaming

I screwed myself over

With this realization I grow stronger

Death’s grip tightens

She can feel my weakness leaving

“Come with me. She will be okay.”

Death speaks in my sister’s child voice

And reaches out a hand, which I take

It feels cold, but a welcoming cold

My head is clear

As if I have taken a plunge into

A lake in the middle of winter

I finally understand.