Take This Mail and Shove It

ken bultman on Jun 21, 2009

Tags: aging, bear, catalogs, Cremation, deer, geriatric, hearing aids, hunting, moose, Trash, wheelchair

Bills are bad enough but some mail you just don’t want.

If I ever need reminding that I’m aging every day
All I need to do is see what mail has come my way.
Instead of getting ads for hunting deer and moose or bear
I’m overwhelmed with pleas to buy a motorized wheelchair.

What happened to the brochures for the Charles Atlas plan
Or other ways to build my body up like a ladies’ man?
In their place my trash can fills with catalogs from those
Who want to sell me hearing aids and orthopedic hose.

Yesterday I got a postcard just filled with information.
Why be buried in the ground? Save money with cremation.
Better yet, check this one out. This comes direct to me:
Bring friends and family with you and be buried out at sea.

If it wasn’t for the mailman I’d feel younger than I do
But geriatric merchandising puts a strain on you.
At least with Medicare and such there’s not much cost to me.
There’s the phone–my appointment for a colonoscopy.

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Comments (14)

Darla Cooke on Jun 21, 2009
I can definitely relate to this poem. Mail like that I just toss in the trash can.
Sky Lumina on Jun 21, 2009
hahahha am i allowed to laugh at this? cos it is depressing but in a really funny way if u know what i mean^^
Smiter on Jun 21, 2009
Not forgetting stair lifts, things to help you reach, stand, sit, walk, oh and here I get insurance offers constantly for the older client. Cheeky sods, I’m only 53.
Sheila M on Jun 21, 2009
Oh great, I can’t wait (you’re funny)
Tanya Wallace on Jun 21, 2009
Great poem,funny and depressing all at the same time,only you could pull this one off.Great work Ken!
Lostash on Jun 21, 2009
Loved it Ken! You do make me smile!!
Deep Blue on Jun 21, 2009
Yap a lot of freebies and promos you wonder how they got your details.
Cynthia Bartlett on Jun 21, 2009
I hear ya there.
Daisy Peasblossom on Jun 21, 2009
Ya…and it’s the same folks over and over.
ladybaby on Jun 21, 2009
I just love it when we are assumed to be ready for the grave. The phone calls are just as bad. I keep getting calls saying. “I talked to you last week about your credit card.” I don’t even have a credit card. Then the ones where they say. Your car insurance is due. I don’t have a car. Where do they get this stupid information?
Alexiandria M Michaels on Jun 21, 2009
great, funny and agggghhhhh now I know what to expect soon! *laugh* thanks for the heads up…
Ruby Hawk on Jun 21, 2009
LOL, I get you Ken, I drop most of the junk that comes to my box directly in the trash can. It’s too depressing to look at it.
Tahnee Smith on Jun 22, 2009
This is so so true, it made me laugh. Good job.
SweetpeepsLJ on Jun 22, 2009
Well said!

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