Come one, come all to the advertisers
Let us sell with glee
All these things we’ll do for you
We’d gladly do for free

Come sample Dorsey’s Whistles
You’ll love their style, we know it
‘I’ve yet to meet a man with one
Who’d hesitate to blow it’

Ready-Made makes plastic bottles
For people of all mugs
‘We see the way you look at them
It’s clear you like our jugs’

Or Cooler Zone’s new soda pop
Each flavor worth a try
‘Just put it right up to your mouth
You’ll have to suck it dry’

Try Delite’s Diet cashews
To lighten up your guts
‘They are the treat of choice for folks
Who love big salty nuts’

Toilet paper a la Camode
Cleans up that nasty funk
With this soft tissue by your side
‘Up your trunk, it gets the junk’

That Davidson just made some bleach
For laundry, day or night
‘One capsule full will be sure to
Leave a load that’s pasty white’

And LifeGuard’s brand new pacemakers
We show our highest pride through
‘We’ll push it in, we’ll make it fit
Be glad when it’s inside you’

But most of all, Hunt’s new golf course
The best, without jokes
‘Come knock some balls arund with us
Enjoy some midday strokes’

Come one, come all to the advertisers
We just might waive your fee
All these things we’ll do to you
We’d do to you for free