The Backyard Poem

When I woke

The pub spoke

Blasphemy unfortunately

I got room 24e

Champion hotel/heavenly

It’s awful especially.

You should see my room

It looks like a tomb

It’s a miracle of gloom.

Everything’s dilapidated

Infact it’s made of hatred

Even the tears are outdated.

At least it’s not far from the bar

But the beer tastes like tar

I wouldn’t mind some caviar

A guy picked me last night

All I did was ask him for a light

That’s what started the fight

He called me a Niger

And I said you got that right

I suppose I was feeling a bit uptight

I felt pretty pissed off

I had a really bad cough

I’ve always thought of myself as a toff

I left and went to my mates

It was a fair walk to his gates!

I was in all sorts of states

On the way I saw a cop

When I walked past the shop

He looked like my pop

I needed to have some fun

So on the way I bought a gun

And killed a hot cross bun

I found a fag

And a lighter in my bag

I puffed, it made me gag

I arrived at my mates

Bashed through the gate

Wow was I in awful states

My mate ran out with a gun

Then he shot at his son

Who had yelled an awful pun

The cops arrived

This story is not contrived

I was feeling deprived

We handed ourselves in

It was a wicked sin

We were going to the loony bin

It was time for our trials

We walked in single files

Along the shiny tiles

I can’t believe I got away

I will live another day

Good luck has gone my way

I’ve decided to put my life on track

I visited the pope named jack

Who said he’d put me back

No more drinking no more dope

Said jack the pope

And remember always wash with soap.

My life was finally back on track

All my thanks went out to jack

He was the one who put me back.