A story squeezed into a free verse about the writer’s life.

The Cursed Gift

 

I stood alone

On this perfect circle

Trying not to moan

As my head pounds

I closed my eyes

Dream again and again

That I’m anywhere but here

And that I could stop

My heart from crying

My soul is lost

I cover my eyes

And scream out loud

But nothing comes out

In the rain

I walk and ask myself

Why is everybody with someone but me?

The world is so beautiful

I want to share it

But no can see

What I see

Have you ever heard?

Someone call you crazy

When you’ve already heard that

Exactly a million times

That you’ll start to believe

Even when it’s far

From the truth

Have someone hurt you

So much you see pain

And not feel it

When I was in my youth

Nobody remembers my words

I lock myself in my room

And yell to God to take me away

I’ve told stories to my toys

The only ones who listen

And not just hears

I’ve learned to smile

When I heard music

But when I hear the words

I never smiled again

Have you made so many promises?

That you hate yourself

When you can’t keep them

Like everybody else

You can’t trust anyone

Even yourself

But I was always right

Until that one day

Have you ever wished?

That someone would come

And rescue you

From reality

Have you found yourself?

Walking the streets at night

Looking for the moon

But all you see are stars

You do not see danger

You fear nothing

You feel so unreal

And not alive

Do you know what it’s like?

When you feel someone else’s pain

And his tears run down your face

His words come out your mouth

What’s it like

To float and fly away

Then someone pulls you down

And it feels so right

You have many friends

You get support and help

But when you blink

Nobody was there for you

Have you ever felt

So used and abused

That you don’t know

Where you belong anymore

People laugh at you

While the rest can’t look you in the eye

And tell you things

You want to ask them

What was so funny?

That they cannot forgive

And forget you

Sometimes you think

Maybe I was wrong

After all, I’m all to blame…

There are times I envy animals

Their lives are so simple

They knew where they belong

Have you ever tried to kill yourself?

Then regret it

When you recover

Once upon a time

There was a girl

She lived a mystery

But everybody knew who she is

Once upon a time

That girl believed

Dreams can come true

And there is love

When you hate

She went looking

And found out

There is a God

But not of this world

She sought His kingdom

Made her prayers

And sleep forever

Under His name

Once upon a time

And always

That girl is me.

 

Written last November 18, 2004

By: Joan Paula S. Quinabo a.k.a. 3libras

 

 

 

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