When I was little,  my family struggled so much. Today I stand here, and I’m in the same shoes. I don’t  know I should be ashamed to say this…but I am 23 years old and I feel like I want to sit here and throw a tantrum. This is childish to say, but nothing seems to be going my way. I feel like I’m being selfish about the way things should be but I can’t seem to help that fact. You can’t control life and make it go your way all the time. Though even science wants to be able to do this with all their fancy technology and experiments, but the fact is that they can’t. It’s a scary fact to know you can’t control things all. Life does what it pleases no matter if you’re ready for it or not. All you can do it just to do what you can with what life gives you. The accident really tough lately and I have been falling apart. My fiancée stands here and watches me do it, I’m not quite sure if he knows how to make me feel better. I can tell he tries and so does my dad and the rest of my family and friends.

Last night I texted my dad and called him daddy like I was only 6 years old, but in reality I’m actually almost 24 years old. I’ll be 24 next month. I felt like a little girl asking for her daddy to save her from the monster in the dark, the old scared of the unknown in the dark that kids always seem to have. I am not sure if it is the dark that is scary, but what could be in that dark that is scariest. I think that is the scenario I face now. I am not scared of the future itself, but what the future could possibly take from me that scares me most. I have so many people who have listened to me whine n complain about having it rough and being uncertain about what is going to happen next. They all tell me I am not alone and I understand this. It is not that I am asking for a hand out, help, or anything else like that. I am looking for a shoulder and ear if you will to listen to me. I understand everyone has their own problems and I don’t dismiss them for that either. I recall three times, if not more than three, when someone has told me that I am a spoiled selfish brat who thinks only for themselves. Those words resonate deeply in mind as I think of it now and then when things get tough.