The Garden of the Mind

I never liked you that much 
for all it’s worth.
I never learned my lesson
until I saw other’s never learning their lesson.

I never wanted you that much
but you left me wanting more
and now that you’re gone
more of you is all I want.
 
It’s so easy to get lost in your feelings
especially when I don’t feel them.
I never liked your feelings
but now they’re all I’ve got.

It’s hard running away
leaving all my friends behind
for an empty life of nothing
except forever nights and dragons.

Come and sleep with me tonight
because If you don’t, I won’t.
Like waves forever rolling to the shore
I can’t turn back, but I needed you to know.

Now that I know you
I know you’re not much to know.
But you left me 
knowing more
And now you’re all I know.

I feel I tried to let you go
but you showed me how you feel.
Now I need to know your feelings
knowing now that I don’t feel them.

You’ve built my walls and let them fall,
you pushed and let me fall into a lie.
Your hands wrapped around my soul,
and I have to push you away.

I can’t give up before I die
I don’t know why I continue to try.
I can’t let you rule my life,
but you left me needing more.

If I am cold, you come and make me warm.
If I can’t sleep, you come and make me dream.
Then you hold me and you make me scream
with your nightmares and your waking tears.
 
This love for you, like poison in my veins,
pumps warmth and pain and hatred
a hundred broken miles long
through a heart that is a part of you.

I never saw you coming, 
you really weren’t all that much.
But now I fear to be alone with you,
I hate your greedy, filthy touch. 

You make me scare myself,
because I want something I can’t have
your secret hides inside of me
and some secrets are better off not being known.

You smothered me and buried me alive
with your lessons and feelings and warmth.
At home in the dark when I wake before I die,
I wish I die in my dark home before I wake.

I didn’t try to fool you but you fooled me.
I didn’t try to lose you but you lost me.
You made my heart a tomb, cold and dead, 
waiting to embrace your fire’s warmth.

To live I have to be without you
but without you I only want you more.
Now that you are gone all I have are
the memories that have totaled my soul.

Another summer day has come and gone
and I thought I would want to go home 
but I am broken and I have to be alone
while I feel your pain and I am lonesome.

Still, I want some more of you.
Just like always, every night’s cool air
craves your misty warmth when the moon
leaves me inside my shadow alone.

No matter how dilated my charged attitude may be 
the anger remains fused, amplified
and always feeling cheap for deserting my soul
as happy keeps getting redefined. Why?

There is no need to ask any questions
if you already know all the answers.
I am fine, truly fine, but know this
I never really liked you that much
for all it’s worth.