I wish somebody had told me that this

was going to be my last day on earth,

maybe then I would have used my time here

to better use. I remember little in my life that

I couldn’t have changed. And I’m barely eighteen.

At thirteen me and my friends we went and stole

from my local shop. We just laughed about it

afterwards. It was so easy, we never got caught.

We did that every day for about five weeks.

The owner doesn’t need all that much, and

he charged too much anyway. He’ll live, I said.

On the sixth week, we went to steal from that shop again,

Only to find that it had closed down. The owner said he wanted

to move somewhere else, but I knew the truth. We stole so much from him

that he was broke, and he couldn’t pay the bills.

We ruined him. I ruined him.

At fourteen I knew this kid I loathed so much.

Always giving people lip like he was king of the world

or something. One day, some kids made it look as if he

was stealing from the school, I don’t remember what,

and the kid was excluded. Next day I heard

he killed himself

by walking straight into the path of a car.

I saw it all, and I could’ve saved him,

but I was too young and selfish to do what was right,

and instead took the sides of the kids who did it to him.

Oh, how I regret it! Now who will save me?

At fifteen I never studied, I just hanged with my mates

wasting precious valuable seconds that never come again.

I never did my work at school, I always blamed my grades

on the teachers putting me down, even though I knew

what a lie I was telling myself.

I always came home late after partying with my mates.

My mother yelled at me for it, and I always told her to shut up.

Why?

At sixteen, a champagne supernova, I remember nothing…..

I failed all my exams at seventeen, but the truth was

I never really gave a damn about that.
I spent my days drifting in and out of jobs, and in between

Doing crack, speed, cannabis, that sort of thing.

Messed up my body and my mind at the same time –

broke Mum’s heart so bad she had a heart attack, almost died.

But I was too young and selfish to care.

Today, I was having a walk down the street, thinking about

all that I had done, all that I had been through,

just trying to make sense of it all,

thinking of what I could do to put it right.

Then, I saw some guys in masks rob a bank, and I decided

that this is my time to make everything right.

I run after them to stop them, and then one of them

Pulls out a gun…

The bullet tore right through me, and I fell, staring

At the heavens that I have through my actions forsaken.

I remember the bullet tearing through me,

Like Justice’s sword finally delivering me my dues

I lie here, waiting for death to come.

And all I can see, as my excuse for a life

Flashes before my eyes

Is everything I could’ve done right.

Eighteen years, squandered them all, every second,

And never realised until it was too late.

I know I’m not alone, but if anyone can hear me,

All I can say to you is, don’t follow my example.