My father came to the door,

I hadn’t seen him in forty years

Because I am a midget

And he was ashamed,

so he told me

He was going to teach me

how to drink.

We went to a bar,

my first time,

and he bought me a whiskey

and I drank it…

All of a sudden

I am not a midget anymore.

I went from 4′ 2″ to six feet tall

in an instant.

My dad will be back soon

with more whiskey.

I hope I don’t get bigger.

Now everybody wants to know

which kind of whiskey I like.