10 July, Saturday

Finally,

I went through the ordeal of telling him the harsh truth.

I reckon it he didn’t take it that well.

I couldn’t believe he had tears brimming in his eyes.

He was speechless, didn’t know what to say.

I didn’t know he put that much hope in our relationship.

It was heart-wrenching to see him hurt.

I broke his heart, as well as mine last night.

I know I have to do this.

But I didn’t know I had that much to lose.

Cuz we really did give each other our hearts.

We loved in the name of love.

If only he knew how hard it was for me to come to this decision.

How I trembled. How I almost collapsed into a panic attack.

How I tried to joke around to release the tension.

How I tried to postpone the moment of truth.

How horrible I felt. How much tears I shed.

How much pain and anguish it gave me.

How it took away my appetite, my sleep, my logic, my sanity.

How it ate at my soul, my essence, my very being.

It’s true what they say,

It takes letting go to see if there was anything worth holding on.

My mind is clear now. I’ve decided.

I don’t care about how others will think about us.

I don’t care how much time we will have.

I don’t care that we won’t have a happily-ever-after.

I just want to return the smile to my beloved’s face.

I want to return the sparkle into his eyes.

I want to give him back his laughter.

I want to love him and make him happy.

If he will have me.

I will fight for us.

Dear God,

I believe I’m on the right track this time, not to fulfill my selfish needs,

because I’m doing it for him, I’m doing it for love.

Even if he rejects me, my only wish is that we could still spend some time together.

God bless us…

- Alice Sun