the reaper in me

why do i feel so alone

 im in a crowded room but I feel like I’m the only one in it

 i lose all the happiness in my life with just one thought

 suddenly nothing else matters and all dreams are crushed

 it feels like the reaper is breathing down my neck 

whispering sweet nothings in my ear

 his icy breath gives me chills

 it would be so easy to turn back to pills

 the reaper is quite convincing

 promising me the pain will stop with just one shot

i want to tell him to stop but i continue to listen

 he Feeds on my weaknesses until im his puppet

 He sees me slip into a depressive state of mind

 one which he knows i won’t be able to escape from

i look at my phone trying not to pick it up

i’m practically dialing the number in my head

now I’m driving almost as if im on autopilot 

my hearts pounding

hands shaking

sweats dripping down my face 

i tell myself to turn back but the reaper reassures me of my doubts

 your so close to eternal peace he says

 you will never have another worry ever again

i get out of my car and walk up the stairs 

now I’m back in my car

the reaper points me down a dead end road 

i pick the needle up 

tears running down my face as if i know ill never cry again.

 i grip the needle and jam it in

all pain goes away and the reaper let out a maniacal laugh

your time is up he said with a grin

 you werent strong enough

 my eyes roll back In my head and my heartbeat stills 

the reaper touches my shoulder and tells me ive done well

youve just earned yourself an eternity in hell

 but what is worse than being in your own personal hell prisoner to a substance 

suddenly i realize the reaper never existed

it was my addiction that struck when i was most vulnerable

i shouldve been stronger

 i shouldnt of gave in

 ive abandoned 

 my family

 my life

 my friends

i gave it all away for an instant fix

now im in hell and I dont exist