What would make me happy
And really make my day
Is if the pig that’s snoring next to me
Would pack and go away

No more loo seats left up
No more towels left on the floor
No more listening to his moans
No more extra housework chores

He gets up in the morning
And scratches at his balls
He leaves the toothpaste lid off
He makes me want to climb the walls

He sits and picks his nose
And investigates his find
He rolls it in his fingers
And scratches his behind

I watch him as he’s sleeping
With dribble down his chin
He twitches and he fidgets
So I kick him in the shin

He moans and then turns over
But that is not for long
His snoring just gets louder
That man is such among

I ask him if he’d help me
He just says in a bit
And then when I remind him
He goes into a fit

He commandeers the armchair
And chills there with his beer
His belly like a pregnant cow
With an ugly drunken leer

He burps as he is supping
Then he lifts his leg and farts
No notice of the rancid smell
As he sits and watches darts

The moral of this story girls
Is really plain to see
Just enjoy the single life
And don’t end up like me.