Rhyming couplets which was inspired by the writings of Geoffrey Chaucer.

So, my friends, you want a story?
I, Andrew Tse can give you tales of glory
Or of the pain and suffering of others
Which, from what I can see, bothers
Those of us with weaker hearts
But from what I have heard from your tales
Sadness and misery, and my own tale
Is no exception. Except that it
Is a tale to let me educate you a bit
About how you should take any opportunities when
They arise: you shouldn’t wait for them to appear again.
Now I must warn that before I start;
This is not a tale for the weak of heart
Or for those who are very meek.
For in this tale is very bleak.
But I do not believe that this
Should be a problem, including you Miss
For good people such as you.
But first, my dear, in relation to
My tale, it is a cautionary tale
Which you, as you are female,
Should listen intently to: I heard
This tale from a rather absurd
Woman from the Newcastle Ritz,
Who despite everything, admits
That the tale is entirely true.
Now, without any further ado:
Dear, come and sit next to me,
You’ll feel much better, believe me.
Now, let me end your suspense:
I will now my tale commence.

The Tragedy of the Queen of Newcastle’s Tale
She was a beauty my friends,
Her beauty attracted many men’s
Attentions, and this she knew
For she often tried to subdue
The wills of men, but she never
Felt any emotion in these endeavours
To the poor men she ensnared.
But then she was tragically impaired
With a horrible infection that most women
Have when they meet perfect men:
She was hopelessly infatuated with him.
The man was stunning: he was slim,
Tall and handsome, but these were only minor traits:
For he had the great skill of being able to annotate
And use the English language to manipulate situations
Which he found to his liking. He had caused demonstrations
With his charismatic words.
And he had at least two thirds
Of the cities girls following in his footsteps.
He was the brilliant and was very hep:
He was a girl’s perfect man.
And he admired her, more than
Anything else and he made this obvious,
Through his clear and charming voice.
But for some strange reason she hesitated:
She chose to wait and watch instead.
She did absolutely nothing,
And so the man, assuming
That she did not share the feelings,
Moved out of her life forever, causing
Her to lose interest in her life.
And he would have taken her to be his wife.
She never really recovered from that event
And from that moment she began her descent
From her high ranking social queen
She had been removed from this scene,
Moved into a small house in Windale:
She wanted to move on but to no avail.
She had lost everything she had,
Everything that was good was now bad,
Even her great and glamorous beauty,
Which had once had been almost fruity,
Was slowly disintegrating over time,
Besides: she was slightly past her prime.
She was always depressed:
She always felt incensed
At herself for throwing away the opportunity
To join with a great man in permanent unity.
How it caused her pain!
She felt as though a great chain
Had been placed upon her soul,
And this had taken its toll
Upon her entire cruel and arrogant personality.
And she turned form her normal brutality
And inhumanity to a more caring,
Kind person, but she still was not faring
As well as she should have been,
For she was not with her man
And nor would she ever be:
For he was gone. He was free
Of the curses that she had once placed on him.
He was being acceptably and undeniably vim
And he had even forgotten who she was.
And so this woman’s own blunder was the cause
Of her own utter misery and pain
And all because she was too shy and rally vain.

You see my friends, how sad a story this is.
Because she was too afraid of this
Strange and unusual thing called humiliation:
But the poor man who she loved was sent into frustration
For he didn’t know if the girl liked him or not.
So my dear girl, for this tale was directed at you, a lot
Of people I am sure have told you of your beauty
And yet you are not in any way, shape or form snooty.
You should come and sit a little closer to me,
Come and seat yourself upon my knee.
I would really like to my dear Andrew
But I really cannot allow myself to sit next to you
But come on my dearest Isobel.
I only mean you well.
And did you not pay attention to my tale?
The message I was offering wasn’t really veiled

Doctor Van Deeth
Shut up you tall and gangly sleaze,
You think you can lie and be a lady’s man with ease.
But your tale is nothing in comparison to mine
For you, with your looks and great eloquence think yourself so fine
But in reality you will amount to nothing
Whereas I am and will be something.
And now, my friends, now I will begin my tale
Of some new pain, and this tale is not going to fail
To bring you all down to your knees
With sadness. Now I shall start if you please.

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