I wander these dark corridors of my mind, looking for a light. Like many I am stranger in my own heart and soul and so ceaselessly I seek the thing that is me; that life once whole now frayed and dark like a soggy cliff that hangs with moist dark grasses as it collapses like falling dirt soldier, at the end of a windy violent grey sky… Shall light come again, like new sun for winter… shall it ever truly be felt and known on this dead dark world in my head and the clouds of my gloom peel away with white golden wonder.

    I wonder.

    Maybe it is wrong to dream of the possible, for all these darker voices in the world scream down from that sky like rain on dead dog’s heavenly wandering, to reel upon him on his long road back home. From whence has my soul come, for a new day has dawned and reveal only pain… In a past not forgotten but painful for the knowing it and remember is death to my soul all the same…

    Oh God burn this rain! Burn it with this land’s ancient splendor… make me to wonder and wander no more. For what is a man without inner beauty and yet I look around and men seek to lead me to their bleak soulless lives as if they could lead me to water… Ha ha, how very little they know, have mercy Father for they know not what they do… or do they? Maybe it’s too easy to give in any more but Lord how shall I fight without faith in the very thing that makes me human, our guilty repose to refreshen is alike to a dawn without light… Where darkness is the new calling of us who live under time’s shadow, where sorrow and pain seen in other’s is the world’s own sweet delight… So Lord, you know how horrible and dark I am… Is there a light inside?

    If there is, is it fading forever… Is hope still in the new morning’s summer strong winds, to take me and throw me like caution to the currents of your sky’s celestial dagger which guides her very breath back to my heart. Oh how I wish to feel like that again, thrown by your beauty in her very own bosom. Mother nature, she seems to stay silent as if to punish my very heart for what it has become…

    Like a mother more wise to chastise her son.

    Oh Lord, oh Father, Oh Mother… I am time’s brother, love is my sister… Yet empty to love have I been and my heart made of stone, grey in its crumbling and not solid like your own. For my life is as sands falling through my life and back to the land, from which it came. Pointlessly tossed and rustled forever, a world lost to those cold desert days, where my soul knew only thirst in the flames of its own burning. What could this day be, yet could it be like a drop of water for a dying soul or shall my heart burn this way for always…

    Father I have sinned this grievous sin, that to be like you I loved my vanity and pomp… My greater sin was seeking just to feel forgiven and never pay once and for all that price I should. Like a man who kills what’s not evil but love’s to slay the good…

    Oh Lord please open once again my eyes, like wood, they have grown blind… This life in me is me and yet me I have lost and cannot find..

    Tell me Father, how did my soul look to thee when the demon struck me dead. I know the pain you must have felt was too much to bear and far too great to yet forget…

    But Father, I plead… just forgive me! Forgive me! I cannot feel my life and now I fight each day so endlessly and restlessly my deep and hungry pride…

    Father, I beseech thee… I am not all darkness… Find for me my light inside!