If you say simple thoughts, she’ll say you’re corny,

If not, she thinks you don’t care for her.

If you dress well, she thinks you’re a playboy,

If not, she thinks you’re lousy.

If you kiss her, you’re not a gentleman,

If not, you’re not a man.

If you do funny jokes, she says you’re like a boy,

If you praise her, she thinks you’re lying,

If not, you’re good for nothing.

If you teach her what to do, she thinks you see her as an idiot,

If not, you do not care at all.

If you agree with all she wants, she is abusing,

If not, you’re not understanding.

If you propose a date, she limits your advantage,

If not, she says you won’t spend a dime on her.

If you want romance, you’re an experienced man,

If not, you’re not even a man.

If you visit her often, she thinks it’s boring,

If not, she accuses you of double crossing.

If you wait for her, “Oh, it’s natural, we’re girls!”,

If you’re a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait.

If you’re jealous, she says it’s bad,

If not, she’s not glad.

If you kiss her once, she protests you’re good for nothing,

If not, she complains you do nothing.

If you attempt romance, she syas you don’t respect her,

If not, she thinks you don’t love her.

If you contradict her, she gives you a displeased frown,

If not, she thinks you don’t have a mind of your own.

Ah… Women!

So simple yet so complex,

So weak yet so strong,

So confusing yet so alluring!