very intreging piece LOVED IT!!

Had to go back and read this through a couple times keeping in mind the last line. Reminds me of Fegger’s writing. Excellent!

wow..

Very sharp….

Tragic, yet moving. You’ve captured the sense of entrapment that a coma must be. Great job!

Love this, esp. the last two stanzas. Great imagery. I agree with Katie: Fegger’s influence is evident here, and that’s a very good thing to have. Excellent work!

wonderful piece cafftee. you have a way with words.

Excellent. I think there are vary many of us walking around in various kinds of comas.

Wonderful poem.

I love your depiction of a crippling emotional state. It is nearly coma like I am glad you broke through the glass and let us all take a peek inside.

Wow, that was kind of sad. Good job.

great work,
i loved the flow, i felt a loop in everything, i read a line, then i go back re-read it, then come down..
esp this line,

In liberation, captured,

i loved the way you pulled this off, nice imagination.

Great poem Cafftee. I’m sure your visage is much better than my own–especially first thing.
Good evocative words.

“emotional coma”; what a great way to describe it.

when I was a kid I use to spend lots of time wondering what comas were.. so bizarre, I remember a show about somebody in a coma and the world they lived in in their head. neat poem

Seriously well done. It is interesting that we both wrote on the coma theme. I guess we’re on a similar wavelength. I like your kind of wonderland feel to it.

This is unique, and has a linear structure, but, you need to work on your meter and hone in on some better rhymes. Thanks for sharing.

Really well written, I could feel myself there.

loved the phrase “intoxicated freedom”.great write.

Nice flow of words.