When someone you love is in a bad relationship, it grows.  First they call you, because they know you have been in a situation that is close to the same.  So you advise them, with advice that you know because you tried a million other things first and none of them worked.  And you don’t want them to have to take that long to get happy again, and you don’t want them to suffer the bad consequences of the things that you tried that didn’t work.

But they can’t see it from the end of the road like you can.  They can only see that there is probably a solution, but they don’t know what it is.  So they start calling others.  And the others start calling you.  And everyone is worried, and everyone wants to help.

And you want to help,
And you want to help,
And you want to help.

And then you start hearing that things are getting progressively worse.   So you call, and you advise, and you console, but they can’t believe that it’s possible that the only solution is to get out.  But you know that it is.  Because you tried, and you tried, and you tried.  And, at a certain point, trying started hurting others.  Trying started being WRONG.  And that doesn’t mesh with what you were taught in school, in sports, in life.. And to stop trying certainly doesn’t sound or feel like very good advice. 

And then, the next progression for the worse:  the person you love stops asking for advice.  Because you know, from being there, that you stop asking for advice when you feel like you are in it alone.  Like nobody is going to tell you anything that you haven’t already heard.  Nobody understands, and nobody wants to hear about it anymore.  You have officially become a burden.  But that isn’t true.

Being trapped in a bad relationship is hard.  Loving someone who is trapped in a bad relationship is hard, too.  All a person can do is give the one they love respect, empathy, a hand, a heart, some hope, a number to call, and a place to go.

  And hope that it will be enough.