Time passes by so slowly when you’re waiting on a life changing phone
call. I saw there waiting for hours it seemed for this really cute guy to call
me like he said he would. Pacing my mother’s kitchen surely was driving her
nuts. About 4 hours of pacing the phone finally rang; when I answered I could
feel my nerves start to kick in. His voice was so soothing, he could have been
calling me names and I was so relaxed by him I would not have responded
differently. He was asking me out on our first date. Of course I was going to
accept but I stayed quiet until I could feel his patience failing him.

That night he picked me up, the way his eyes could see through me was
so intense. I could feel myself staring down into his soul, so I guess it must
have been just as intense for him. We drove to a little restaurant and the
sparks began to fly. Already the inside jokes and giggles were rolling in. It
was too soon to say, but I couldn’t stop my heart from telling me he would be
my forever love.

Love found us quicker than either of us had ever expected. It was all
over our face when one would see the other walk in the room. You know that look
one gets when they see their other half and their face lights up. Inside jokes,
cute nose taps during arguments that lead into a soft kiss. There was arguing
and playful wrestling on the floor. Of course it would in time lead to love
making for hours. A love like this was hard to find, it was plain to see what
we have is rare.

We both a few years later started planning for the future, a few close
calls on getting pregnant and both of us decided to enlist in the Army. It was
time to make a plan to settle down and begin a life together. Make mistakes,
build a home, have babies, plan for retirement, make each other’s dreams come
true. 2005 had come and almost gone.

I’m in Ohio, he is in Washington. It is almost time for Christmas leave
for him; I don’t leave for the Army for 3 more months. He gets online so we can
talk, so we do. A few hours later of giggling and having silly arguments that
made us both lose it in laughter. When he finally builds up the courage he asks
on his webcam if I would marry him. In the moment it was a shock, I almost
didn’t believe him. Then, the expression on his face told me he couldn’t be
more serious. Instantly I blurted out “YES” and we began to plan out how it
would all go down and who would be invited. Our dreams were finally coming
true.

It’s mid 2006 and he missed our wedding day in December 2005. I wonder
where he could possibly be. My birthday has come and gone and I haven’t heard
from him. I don’t know how to handle all of this but to continue to wait on
him. Maybe he hasn’t given up on our love.

Sitting at the office I decide to check my email right after lunch. I
scroll thru the pointless messages and spam and come across an email from his
brother. Attached is a picture followed by words explaining tragedy. I could
feel my heart sinking from my chest to my toes. I hit reply and the only thing
I could think of to say was Is this a
joke?

Minutes later I had a reply telling me that it was not a joke, that the
love of my life was in a tragic accident and his condition was unknown. The
last thing the EMT had released to anyone was that he had died on the scene
multiple times.

A few weeks passed me by, I sat in my office the whole time just
staring out the window in shock. I wasn’t sure if I had lost him, but I felt
lost not knowing if he was still a huge part of my word. I don’t want him to
just be a strong memory of my past that forever holds my heart. Just as I
thought about my life without him a strange number came across my caller Id.

His voice was so rugged and beat up, “Baby, I am still here. I am
alive, our love got me through. All I can feel though is my head. Baby, I’m
paralyzed from my neck, down.”

I could feel the pain
and disappointment in his voice. I didn’t care about him not feeling any of
that, all I cared about was he was still in this world with me. My love for him
could fight off any battle and conquer any situation. I just hope he wants to
get his life back on track. I pray in my heart that he doesn’t give up on
himself, let alone on us.

I couldn’t talk, I was completely speechless and in shock. I knew I
needed to say something so he knew I was going to remain by his side no matter
the circumstances.

All I could get out was, “Everything is going to be alright, baby. This
is just a bump in the road.”

I had just been released from the Army 3 weeks ago before the email
came into my inbox. I had all the time in the world to be by his side and do
anything it took to help him. Plus, I am more than sure his military days are
over. I hope it is temporary but anything is possible past this point.

A few days later I was on my way to his hospital bed, which was in a
city a couple hours away. The closer I got, the closer I felt to his heart. The
emotions were building up thinking about what I was about to walk into while
the love of my life at was at his worst.

As soon as our eyes met the emotions and love in the room became so
intense. It reminded me of the first time we made love, our hearts and bodies
becoming one. I could feel him squeezing my heart and pulling me in with his
smile. All time had stopped while we were in each other’s presence. People were
walking in and out of the room but we were too occupied with each other to
notice. I know that my love will pull him through this.

A month later we are at his parents’ house, he is in his wheelchair and
we begin to talk. I could feel the pain behind his gritted teeth. I couldn’t
hear anything he was saying and I don’t know if it was my heart denying the
words or my fear ignoring the pain they caused. He was asking me to leave him
and all the misery he was going to cause me behind. His words were forceful and
sharp. I argued as hard as I could once the words finally cleared through my
mind and stung so deep I could feel the tears building up behind my eyelids. Why
was he giving up on us?

After that night I still fought for a few more months while he
continued to push me away. His heart wasn’t as intense with emotions as it once
was. I could feel him ripping himself away from all that we had built together
in the last four years. I didn’t know what else to do but to walk away from
him. What was I suppose to do?

While packing my bags a few weeks later, the phone rings. Of course,
when I have finally accepted the fact he doesn’t want me to stand here and
fight with him he decides to call. As soon as I heard his voice I wanted to
cancel my ticket and stay here the rest of my life. The words he said made it
clear that he just wanted to be friends. How could you give up on a love like
ours? I will make you see how strong our love is, one day.

My plane lands down and my thoughts of him keep rolling in. The time I
almost got pregnant and he had all the ideas for the baby room. The time he and
I got in a stupid fight about our careers. How about the time I woke him up in
the middle of my sleep; I randomly kicked him in the shin without noticing. There’s
also the time we made love out in the middle of nowhere because we couldn’t
wait to get home. Our love will never die no matter what he thinks or how hard
he pushes.

As I get situated in a brand new city I find myself in front of a
computer and him online. Of course I have to talk to him; I need him in my
life. We talk for a few minutes until he goes into a deep conversation with me.
His feelings grow more intense the longer the conversation gets. He is so
boiled over that I let him push me away, like it is my fault he doesn’t want me
around. After listening for a few minutes I almost snap at him, I start giving
him the prewarning. He doesn’t listen to my prewarning, or the second or third
prewarning.

I snap, and he is completely thrown into
shock by my words, “Listen, bucko. I am quite frankly sick of this. I haven’t
done anything wrong. I left because you asked me two, sure I could of stayed in
the area but I wouldn’t of given you what you wanted, privacy. I can’t be there
and not want to be by your side. When you asked me to leave, you asked for all
of me to leave and that’s what I did. This is not my fault.”

He instantly had a rebuttle, “Who do you think you are? Who leaves someone
when theyre in this kind of situation? Who says they love someone and then
walks away, no matter how hard the push? If you loved me, you would of stayed.”

I ended the conversation this time, “You asked me to leave, and then
you pushed me out of your life as far as you could get me. So, I’m gone.”

I slammed my laptop
closed and sat on my bed mumbling all my angry words to the wall. I heard my
name coming from down the hall, so I got up and went to see what my friend
wanted.

I walked towards Annabelle and all she had so say was, “Kayleigh, you
need to get him out of your head, girl. He is nothing but a headache who
doesn’t know what he wants from you.”

So, to clear my head I grab the first things I see, which happen to be
an apple and a newspaper, and head into the bathroom to take a long warm bath.
I draw my bath, get my bubbles going and hop in. I open up the news paper and
then take a bite of my fresh green apple. The first thing I read in the
newspaper is about a local man who had won the battle against being paralyzed.
Of course my heart refused to let my eyes look away from the ad. I read the
full story on the man and the many battles he faced. The story was so inspiring;
I just wish I wasn’t the only one reading this.

Getting ready for bed, I figured I would get back online and tell Sage
about what I read. Maybe I could help mentally push him to want to recover,
since he will not physically let me be there. So, I lift my laptop lid and
start to log in. Within seconds I see my messenger log in and Sage popping up
to say hello. I eagerly tell him about the story I had read about the man being
paralyzed and his battles and how he recovered. Sage finds some of the joy he
might need, but I can feel his anger towards me. I think he’s angry that he
chose to do it alone. I know he needs me but I am not coming back just to be
pushed right back out. Time will tell him how bad he needs me in his life maybe
that will be the way to get him out of his own way. The conversation comes to
an end after he begins to get short with me. I can’t stand when he gets this
stubborn, usually I can knock some of his stubborn ways out of the water, but
not this time.

The next few months we barely keep touch, I don’t want to deal with his
bitterness or anger. I am very eager to know if he has improved in physical
therapy or if he is getting feeling back. I feel like most of the time he is
lying to me or answering in such a way to more brush me off than give me a real
answer.

Finally, it’s been about a year and I email him my number, willing to
talk to him if he is willing to call. In which he does, and I think he might be
drunk.

We talk a little and I can hear him slurring his words, “So, I talked
to my Dad and told him I want to move to Texas. Do you know the first thing he
said to me? He said, “It is because Kayleigh is there, isn’t it?” Well, I can’t
say that I argued with him, because you are there and I want to be where you
are.”

A little shocked I
don’t know what to say or how I should respond. I decide to stay quiet so he can
let all his thoughts out. This will give him a wonderful opportunity to
question and answer himself with me able to hear him. He does exactly that. He
starts asking himself why he shoved me away, why he wanted me to leave, why he
needed me so much, why he is still in love with me. He tries to answer each
question. He shoved me away because he was scared. He wanted me to leave
because it would be easier for me to not see him the way he now is. He needs me
is because he realizes he is nothing without me. He says he has loved me since day
one, love made him survive the accident and has him fighting this long.