‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the pad

No one was stirring, ‘cept me mam and me dad;

Hanging the fairy lights on our Xmas tree,

Hoping that this year is the best that can be;

They do this each Christmas and they should have known,

It’s always the last bulb that tends to be blown;

Hours tick by as each bulb is inspected,

But still the dud bulb remained undetected;

Us children are nestled all snug in our beds,

While the old folks downstairs were scratching their heads;

Eventually mam said, halfway through the night,

“Maybe there’s something that you aren’t doing right!”

When down in the room there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the landing I flew like a flash,

And halfway down the stair sat down on my ass.

I peered through the spindles and into the room

My eyes adjusting to the dark and the gloom,

When, what to my wondering eyes should I see,

My mam, sat on the floor and wearing the tree,

Dad fuming and saying “I’m going to bed!”

And mam calling out, “Was it something I said?”

Here endeth the lesson of cheap fairy lights,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”