What is this?
Where did we come from?
And how are we looking at things now?
What drives our willpower?
Who makes our choices?
Are we mindful? Are we mindless?
Do we love?

These questions rustle at my insides
like the crumpled papers piled high;
true inventory of my perfectionism.
And looking at what this is it seems easy
to determine something meaningful
without a title
but underneath the covers,
behind the cover page
is a preface
of where we came from.

I think this has a lot to do with
what drives our willpower,
how we make our choices
and hence-how each day
unfolds for us.
Where we came from has an
innocent depth.
Easy to read,
certain with challenges
but without a climax.
College came to an end
and we said goodbye
without saying goodbye.

And here we are now.
with what could be a climax
or our biggest challenge yet.
I never knew this would happen
I could not have expected
this unexpected.
If I could have
perhaps I would have warned you further
perhaps,
you would have thought differently
long before.
Perhaps our preface would had
been instead the story.

But there is a reason
for this chapter
this is one thing we both agree on.
And I suppose that when the Lord embraced me
you might have just walked away then.
But you did not. And here we are now.
This has to do with how we make our choices
and I did not want things to change
but I did not expect
the unexpected.
If I could have
perhaps I would have warned myself
that I may feel real hurt by the choices I make
then perhaps I would have said things differently.
Perhaps I could be more honest.

But I am hurt.
Without your intention meaning it so
without my realization and possibility of protecting myself
the emotion latched onto me in its most
uncomfortable form.
But there is a reason
for this chapter.
And you may be suffering
and so may I
but I am mindful that I am not alone.
Do we love?
You may see it mindless
but it would be for God to make it so.