If this life is meant for me than why am I not thankful?

If this life’s supposed to be benevolent but painful.

Than why am I not happy with myself?

Why is this to me a total living hell?

I am pathetic, weak and also worthless; stupid, naive and of course reckless.

I do not appreciate so therefore I am not appreciated, and in my lies and fantasies I’ve been incarcerated.

I am pitiful and if you ask me I am not worth a dime, the mistakes that I have made should be considered crimes.

The father of the man who I am forced to call ‘dad’, is lying on a bed and everyone is sad.

And here I am not valuing what I own, with a bitter heart and eyes of stone.

Grandpa now so sallow I’ll give you what you need, because my heart’s so hollow that I won’t proceed.

I’ll make a pact with God and I’ll give up my life, in exchange for yours and so you will survive.

Because you value more this life and I evidently don’t, circumstances will not change and I unfortunately won’t.

“Only a life lived for others is worth living”; that’s right, and grandma sits beside you and all she does is cry.

You can live this life much better than I could ever do, I don’t want my child to say someday: “I’m ashamed of you”.

I am unable to depart from these depressions, I have no backbone there are no exceptions.

I make up strategies to keep it together, I indulge in sex to feel much better.

So I give you my life and just take it please, I want to be the reason; why you still breathe.