A promise made, You and I

A promise kept, badly yet considered.

I sent a message, it was received.

I walk along, hand in hand with anxiety.

I rack my brain, for ice to break.

A joke be to be spoke, a riveting shaker am I.

My core beats fast, with sweat pouring forth.

The tension sang in my head, pounding like a hammer.

I walk along, glancing side to side.

I watch traffic, as I’m walking along.

Bright lights passing, flashing.

Stopping, turning.

I’m confident, I’m lightning full.

“Oh my god, here we go.”

I stop, falteringly hesitate.

Like a car braking, leaving the tire marks.

I crash, memories fill me.

Every single time, my mind remembers.

I feel that I’ve run the 3 mile again, a 18 minute torture session.

I peak, topping lactate threshold.

I lean, protesting violently.

This isn’t right, it cannot be.

This I warned myself of, that prematurity would kill.

The lovely spark, once there and now gone.

I can’t think, I’m not thinking.

My body acts, forgetting everything.

Once, twice and thrice.

End with the squeeze, of course.

Idiot boy, what have you done.

Creeping mist fills, I stutter.

Walking along, I made a choice.

It’s unwise to rush, that which is best left unsaid.