We sat in a circle

Nolan slid over in his chair,

moving closer to me.

I could feel the heat of his thigh,

but this isn’t what scared me.

What scared me was the smoke.

The smoke that he blew,

it swirled around the room

as if it was trying to lure me. 

Would I give in? 

Would it really be all that bad? 

What if it was what I needed to do?

What if it was what he expected?

He passed me the joint,

smoke trailing behind it.

I didnt know to smoke anything,

I’ve never even tried a cigarette.

Everyone is looking,

So I pinch the rolled paper

between my sweating fingers.

I hope they can’t see I’m nervous.

I wonder if they know it’s my first time.

Surely they can read my expression.

Thank god they can’t read my thoughts.

But what if they could?

As I lift my hand to my mouth,

I notice Nolan watching me.

He’s smiling, like he knows.

He knows this is for him.

I choke. I cough. I hunch over.

Gasping for breath I lift my arm,

passing this smokey killer to the right.

It continues on, only choking me out.

Everytime.