One day a strange man in blue came to me and motioned for me to join him in his stage coach. I got in and went on a rather silly ride.
A strange looking man came to my door this morn
He had top hat, blue cloak, and a look of forlorn
He motioned for me to come-hither
As in a dream I obeyed and listened
While he told me of the sights we’d see
But he mumbled and lisped
In the end his speech was missed
But I agreed and soon we were on our way
Glad and gay was he when we stepped upon
His coach pulled by a dark-red steed
From his cloak came a small box with a smaller button atop
When at a stop
He pushed it and slowly the Gates of Hell
Opened before us.
“Be not afraid,” he suddenly and clearly said
“For this is a place we must pass to get to our destination.”
“Where is that?” I implored
But he mumbled again, and I felt ignored.
The horse gave a start and a little fart and soon we were in Hades lair
I saw fire and ice, yes, just like Dante insisted
Strangely there were also lovers there and a man imbibing coffee
To the small, stout, Java drinker I asked
“How the hell is this hell with lovers and cups of Joe all about?”
“Ah,” said he, “You surely can’t what is hidden behind the curtain.”
“You see that fair dame? Yes, her, copulating by the flame.”
“She has Herpes and Syphilus for certain.”
“And me, you actually think this is coffee?”
“Ha! It is Satan’s stool! And the worst part is they serve it cool!”
“I see,” I said after I had seen
Looking to the road ahead I saw the country was fast turning green.
I thought to inquire about the irksome ire I had just witnessed
But the driver was focused, and I thought it better not to disturb him.
So instead, I looked ahead and noticed an orgy of sorts
Involving many willing sports along with a goat, a bear, and a duck.
Curious, I cried out
“So who will fuck the duck? Surely he will be killed!”
To my surprise and before my very eyes the feathered beast answered me
“You fool, no one fucks me for I am the referee, and it would bad sportsmanship to boot.”
To further the conversation would have been moot
Humbled I sat, never flinking, whenever we hit a bump that sent me pitching
From side to side
Soon we came to a great green place
A huge green house and a naked woman with an ugly face
With a jar of jam in hand
“I see that thee husband has fetched a fine young man for my assistance.”
Fearing forced intercourse I ventured a scared and shy response
“Glad to meet you.”
After a brief silence had passed, I asked
“So what is your task?”
The ugly mouth grinned and began
“You see, we’ve been needing jelly for some toast at tea-time.”
“But we are to feeble to expertly open the vessel so my husband went out and recruited some muscle.”
“Ah,” said I, suddenly non-plussed while she we went straight to the point
“Would you please open it for us?”
Welcome to Authspot, the spot for creative writing.
Read some stories and poems, and be sure to subscribe to our feed!