RING RING, RING RING…
RING RING, RING RING…
Hello?
Dad?
Yes?
I’ve finished…
Finished?
Yep!
Did yer win?
No, 3rd!
Third?
Yeah, 3rd and I got a Bronze!
Bronze… not Gold?
No, not Gold… Bronze!
How come yer didn’t win?
‘Cause the other fellers wer’ faster!
Faster?
Yeah, Bolt broke the World Record!
World Record?
Yeah, 9.60!
Well, you’re as fast as that!
No… I can only do 9.85!
9.85?
That’s a new European record!
European record?
Yeah, took it from Christie!
Linford Christie?
Yeah, he did it in 9.87!
9.87?
Yeah, so I got a Bronze and a European and British record!
And yer came third?
Yeah, second was 9.71!
9.71?
Yeah, Asafa was a bit upset.
Upset?
Yeah, he didn’t get the start he wanted.
Start?
Ay, he stumbled out of blocks.
Stumbled?
Yep!
And yer didn’t beat him?
No! He’s second fastest in’ World!
Second fastest?
Yeah, he used to be the best until Bolt came along!
Bolt?
Yeah, you know 7 foot 5, 10 metre stride and he’s moving up to Marathon soon!
Marathon?
Yep and he’s hopin’ to do it in less than an hour!
Less than an hour?
Yeah, got the East Africans scared senseless!
Senseless?
Yep!
SILENCE
How come yer didn’t beat Powell?
‘Cause he’s faster than me!
Faster?
Yeah… and he’s a lot faster!
A lot faster?
Yep!
Yer better start training harder then!
SILENCE
Harder?
Yep… when I wer’ a lad, I used to get up before school and run 10 miles!
Ten miles?
Ay… and I’d run another 10 after breakfast!
After breakfast?
Yep… and there was none of this fancy lightweight sparkly million pound trainers!
Million pounds?
Ay, just lead boots, that were laced up with steel!
Steel?
Ay and I’d carry a spare pair in case others got rusty!
Rusty?
Ay and before lunch I’d run 40 miles!
40 miles?
Yep and I broke the Army 100 mile record wearin’ those same boots…
100 miles?
Ay, none of this “oh I’ve got 10 pairs for racing, 10 pairs for training and 10 pairs for prancing about in!”
30 pairs?
Ay and after lunch, which we wer’ lucky to have sometimes, I’d run 100 miles carrying a sack of coal!
Sack of coal?
Ay, in the mornin’ I’d work down the pit, so i could afford a bag of coal!
Down the pit?
Yep, and in the afternoon I’d work in the Steel works, so I could afford new laces and I’d work until I couldn’t lift me arms!
Steel works?
Ay and after dinner, I’d run another 100 miles!
Another 100 miles?
Yeah and after I’d finished that, I’d carry yer Grandad and all 13 of yer Uncles back from the pub!
Back from the pub?
Ay… and then finish off before bed with a 50 mile run, as I didn’t want to over-do-it!
310 miles a day?
Some days it were 500, when I didn’t have to go to school!
500?
Ay and Army entered me for the World Army Championships!
World Army Championships?
Yep, and I smashed the British Army record!
British Army record?
Yeah 100 miles in 2 hours 47 minutes!
2 hours 47 minutes?
Ay!
SILENCE
Where did yer come?
Well… the other men wer’ fresh out of the SAS and the Foreign Legion!
Foreign Legion?
Ay and they had leather boots, ’cause they wer’ professionals!
Professionals?
Yep and they ran a thousand miles a day!
1000 miles?
Yeah and the fella who won it, clocked 2 hours 12 minutes, fastest ever!
Fastest ever?
Ay and the second place fella, clocked 2 hours 31 minutes, second fastest ever!
Second fastest?
Ay!
SILENCE
So… how come yer didn’t win!