Years later, out of nowhere. A box I forgot I still had. pale, near-virgin paper barely creased or ever read. The scent of your lipstick still preserved where you kissed it. The few only words you ever wrote me. “I’m glad we met.” “I hope we can make each other happy.” “we’re a step ahead.” …we’re a step ahead… I’ve heard that one before.

I guess my time had come. Time that finally I’d walk in on…I guess my luck had run. Finally all run out, so I’ll walk in on…I just want my friends right now. I just want my friends to help me out of this hopeless feeling I’m in, to forget what I saw. Panic in my chest. Clamp around my stomach. Funny when your heart starts beating faster (in a bad way.) God, how do I act? They haven’t seen me yet. Turn, you stupid weakling. Walk away and everything will be okay. I just want my friends right now. I just want my friends to talk me out of the stupid things I might do if I go on like this. I should knock you both out right now. God knows I’d like to. So that’s what you look like when you’re being kissed… I never would have know – my eyes were always closed. My eyes. always closed. Last time I trust anyone. Last time I trust you.

When I see you smile, the corners of your mouth quiver like you’re trying to hold it. And there’s a tiny bit of sadness I think I see in you beneath those heavy, solid, deep, infinite eyes. I only hope you see me the same way I see you. So keep holding me in that gaze.I would do anything for you to keep holding me. Who you are is still somewhat unknown to me. But it’s not the mystery that makes me want you. It’s the tiny bit of sadness I think I see in you that tells me there’s so much inside you. There’s so much inside I want to know. I only hope I’m not misreading you. So please keep holding me in that gaze, because I never felt it before you. And just last night when you said, “How could I ever forget you?” …just last night you said, “How could I ever forget you…”

Let’s end this on a better note, and pretend I hadn’t lost all hope. Then maybe a few of you will understand what I meant when I told you I’m too wounded at this point; I’m just too difficult. I can never be any good for you. So, goodbye. Goodbye. I’ll not think of you all for a while. It just seems pointless now to even try. I’ve filled myself with too many things that I thought I could use to fill the holes inside I’ve made. But there is nothing. Everything’s empty. This world has nothing. This world is nothing. And every ounce I drink, a small part of me dissolves ’til there’s nothing left to hold the rest together. And everyone I touch strips away at the thing in me that tells me life and love are rare and precious. And I’m nearly all gone. So God restart me. This world has nothing. This world is nothing. So, goodbye.