- After a workout, Chuck Norris slammed down his weights, thus causing the earthquake in Haiti. 
- Chuck Norris does know “Jack” 
- What came first, the chicken or the egg? Answer: Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris buys a car, the dealer pays HIM.
- Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills people. 
- At the end of “Twilight”, there will be only one team; Team Chuck. 
- Chuck Norris doesnt need a microwave to heat up food, he simply looks at the food, and it heats itself. 
-Chuck Norris once rolled a 20, on a 6-sided die. 
- Chuck Norris won in a game of tug-of war against China. 
- Chuck Norris eats one-sided pancakes for breakfast.
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. 
- When Chuck Norris gives you the bird, he’s showing you how many seconds you have left. 
- If you put Chuck Norris’ hand in warm water while he sleeps, YOU will wet your pants. 
- Chuck Norris can touch Dale’s drum set.
- Art isn’t art until Chuck Norris gives it permission to be. 
- Chuck Norris is Luke’s father. 
- Chuck Norris CAN handle the truth. 
- The Great Wall of China was really built to keep Chuck Norris out, it failed miserably. 
- Chuck Norris can win the game of “Connect Four” with 3 moves. 
- Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He round-house kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out. 
- Chuck Norris doesnt mow his lawn, he looks at it and it doesnt grow in fear of Chuck Norris. 
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris? ALL OF IT. 
- Chuck Norris is currently suining NBC, claiming “Law” and “Order” are trademarked names for his right and left legs. 
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris let live.