Some of my favourite quotes from my book of quotes that I regularly add new quotes in. All of these still make me laugh.

Many of these quotes are classics and will make you laugh everytime you read them. Others have a hard time being accepted as a quote, but I will still mention them here. The list consists of quotes from different fields; some reflect life, some reflect the authorities, and some reflect sports, but they all have one thing in common – they are all funny, in my opinion. Some might be a little serious and/or thoughtful, but they will amuse you in some way. The credits go to those who wrote the quotes, I just have a collection in a book that I write quotes in. I did not site the person who wrote the quote for each quote because I do not note that information, but for a number of these quotes, you will just know who is behind them.

“Hurricanes are like women : when they come, they’re wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.”

“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”

“Don’t steal. The government has competition.”

“I am not a Golf guy. I like SPORTS.”

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”

“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.”

“I know not what World War III will be fought with, but I know that World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”

“Dyslexics of the world Untie.”

“A conclusion is the point where you got tired of thinking.”

“I went to a restaurant that served breakfast at anytime, so I ordered french toast during the renaissance.”

“Suicide is human’s way of telling God, “You can’t fire me – I quit.”

“If there was no God, then it would’ve been necessary to invent him.”

“A lie gets half-way around the world before the truth gets its pants on.”

“Love your enemies. It makes them, well, so damn mad.”

“A house is a place to keep your stuff, while you go out and get more stuff.

“A man says, “I believe in God, God will get me off this island about to drown.” “Hey, come off the island and get on to the boat! You don’t want to die do you?”, a boatman says. “God will save me, I believe in God.”, he replies. “We will be having dinner today, Mmmmm..”, sharks nearby say. “God will save me”, he says again. 1 hour later. In Heaven, “God, why did you let me drown? I believed in you, and you didn’t save but let me die?”, the man says. God replies, “You fool! I sent you boats to get on to, but you kept denying to get on to them. I tried to save you, but you were busy suiciding.”

The above is more so a passage than a single quote, but it is still funny and so I should put it in.

“Atheism is a non-prophet organistion.”

The last quote, and this is one of the first ones I wrote in my book. A friend told it to me last year. It’s worth sharing.

“The reason they call it the ‘American Dream’ is because you need to be asleep to believe it.”

And those are all the quotes I have for today. Hope everyone enjoyed them!

1
Liked it
Leave a Comment
comments powered by Disqus

Hi there!

Hello! Welcome to Authspot, the spot for creative writing.
Read some stories and poems, and be sure to subscribe to our feed!

Find the Spot

Loading