I’ve seen several cute and some humorous t-shirts, note books, baseball caps, tote bags and so forth. It is nice to see faces that were previously frowning break into a grin while reading one, so I have brought together some of the many clever and some of the ridiculous sayings I have found. I hope you will enjoy them, and feel free to add some you have heard as well, but please refrain from those that contain language we would not want our children to read. Thank you.

Finding this picture in a message I received from my brother in law made me realize that the t-shirt industry as well as many others has made a killing off our desire for humor.

Messages can also contain some wisdom hidden in the humor, as this message which advises us to not drink while driving.

• RETIRED: Goodbye crap, Hello Nap!
• Divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, but I didn’t!
• If you want breakfast in bed sleep in the kitchen!
• I don’t need your attitude. I’ve got my own.
• Dear God, if you can’t make me skinny, make my friends fat
• Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!
• Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes
• Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
• I’m not getting smaller I’m backing away from you
• Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?
• I don’t know what makes you so dumb, but I hope it isn’t catching
• Rehab Is for Quitters
• My Dog Can Lick Anyone
• Computer programmers don’t byte. They nibble a bit.
• I (nternal) R (evenue) S (ervice) we’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got
• Out of my mind… Back in five minutes.
• Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips
• People like you are the reason people like me need medication
• Oh crap! You’re going to try and cheer me up, aren’t you?
• Do not disturb I’m disturbed enough already
• I can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day and tomorrow doesn’t look good either.
• Everyone is entitled to make a mistake, but you’ve had more than your turn
• I don’t suffer from insanity. I love every minute of it.
• I’m just 18, but with 42 years experience
• I’d slap you but S___ splatters!
• If things get better with age, then I’m approaching magnificence
• I’m not fluent in idiot. Could you talk a little slower?
• Approach with care. My prescription ran out.
• Your I.Q. test came back negative.
• Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition
• Behind every great man. . . is a woman rolling her eyes
• I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person!
• Life if like photography. We use the negatives to develop.
• Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional
• I’m Not Crazy. My reality is just different than yours.
• I’m doing research on stupidity, so keep talking
• If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic
• Don’t Steal. The Government hates competition.
• I child-proofed my home, but they still got in
• Support Bacteria – It’s the only culture some of us have

A few of these I made up, some I remember seeing, and the rest came from the following sites:

• About.com
• Cafepress
• ChoiceShirts

The last two Internet sites actually sell t-shirts, buttons and various items which can be personalized. Maybe Mom would like a funny t-shirt for mother’s day. I would.