DR. JOHN H. WATSON: About 75 to 80, short and plump.

MRS. HUDSON: About 65, short and plump.

SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE: Aged 68, tall and thin.

DR. CARRINGBUSH: About 70.

MARGARET DOUGLAS: About 38 to 40.

ANDREW DOUGLAS: About 40 to 45.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE: About 80, very tall and thin.

WENTWORTH (THE DETECTIVE.): About 40.

BRIDGITTE (THE MAID): About 38

INTERIOR SETS
SHERLOCK HOLMES’ BEDROOM

SHERLOCK HOLMES’ LIVING ROOM

WENTWORTH’S LIVING ROOM

PRISON CELL

IAN DOUGLAS’ BEDROOM

DR. WATSON
What…?
(Half a beat.)
Oh yes, Mrs. HUDSON, I will see what I can do.

CARRINGBUSH signals to CONAN DOYLE as Mrs. HUDSON leaves, and CONAN DOYLE goes over to him.

CARRINGBUSH
Did he say that she is Mrs. HUDSON?

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, that’s right.

CARRINGBUSH
But surely not THE Mrs. HUDSON?   Wouldn’t she be well over a hundred years old by now?

CARRINGBUSH
Oh, I see.

SHERLOCK HOLMES begins to thrash about in bed.

SHERLOCK HOLMES
Watson!   Watson!

SHERLOCK HOLMES
Moriarty…
(Half a beat.)
Professor Moriarty!

DR. WATSON
Moriarty is dead, HOLMES.

SHERLOCK HOLMES
Dead?

DR. WATSON
That’s right, HOLMES.   You threw him over them.

SHERLOCK HOLMES
Threw him over them?

DR. WATSON
Yes…
(Half a beat.)
Moriarty.   You threw Moriarty over the Falls.

SHERLOCK HOLMES
Threw Moriarty over the Falls?

WATSON is almost in tears.

DR. WATSON (Weakly.)
Yes.

There is a few seconds’ silence then WATSON bends over HOLMES.

When WATSON looks up again he is crying.

CARRINGBUSH rushes over and takes up HOLMES’ wrist, looking for a pulse.

WATSON looks towards CONAN DOYLE.

DR. WATSON
Do you know what his last words were?

CONAN DOYLE shakes his head.

DR. WATSON
He said: ‘Don’t let word out about my death.   It might create an unhealthy excitement among the criminal class.’

CARRINGBUSH puts a hand on Watson’s shoulder and, looking toward
CONAN DOYLE, nods.

DR. WATSON
Would you…
(Half a beat.)
Would you leave me alone with him for a few minutes?

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, of course, John…
(Half a beat.)
Come along, CARRINGBUSH.

CONAN DOYLE and Dr. CARRINGBUSH go through to the main area, which is lit up, while the bedroom is dimmed, and stand towards the front of the room on the left hand side.

CARRINGBUSH
Have you known them very long?

CARRINGBUSH
And what about you and HOLMES?

CONAN DOYLE
I first met HOLMES in the mid 1880s…
(Half a beat.)
1886, I think?   WATSON had been nagging HOLMES for years to allow him to write up some of his cases, since invariably the credit for HOLMES’ work always seemed to go to INSPECTOR LESTRADE or one of the other Scotland Yard boys.
(Half a beat.)
By that time I had already had a handful of short stories published.   So WATSON, having himself botched an attempt to transcribe one of HOLMES’ cases, approached me to help him prepare ‘A Study In Scarlet’ from HOLMES’ notes.

CARRINGBUSH
And instant fame and fortune, eh?

CONAN DOYLE
On the contrary.   No-one wanted to have a bar of the book.   In the end, in desperation, after more than a dozen rejections, we let it go to Ward, Lock and Co. for a paltry twenty-five- pounds.   Which did not stretch very far between the three of us…
(Half a beat.)
And even then they held it over for a year before releasing it as Beetan’s Christmas Annual.   Of course they made a mint on the deal, but we never saw a brass farthing more than the original twenty-five quid.

CARRINGBUSH
A raw deal, what!

CONAN DOYLE
So then we went our separate ways for a while.   Myself to write ‘The White Company’; WATSON to write up a few of HOLMES’ briefer cases.   It was in about 1889 that we started writing together again, and, of course, wrote up another three major cases, ‘The Sign of The Four’, ‘The Hound of the Baskervilles’ and ‘The Valley of Fear’.   Plus another fifty or so shorter cases.

There is the sound of knocking, and Mrs. HUDSON walks onto stage.

MRS. HUDSON
I am terribly sorry to bother you, Mr. CONAN DOYLE, but there is a young lady downstairs who insists that she has to speak to Mr. HOLMES.

CONAN DOYLE
Mr. HOLMES is dead, Mrs. HUDSON.

MRS. HUDSON
Oh dear me!  Poor Mr. HOLMES…
(Half a beat.)
Whatever will I tell the young lady?

CONAN DOYLE
Did you tell her that Mr. HOLMES was ill?

MRS. HUDSON
No sir, only that he was indisposed.

CONAN DOYLE
Good, that is exactly how Mr. HOLMES wanted it.

MRS. HUDSON
But whatever will I tell the young lady?   She was quite insistent.

There is the SOUND OF RUNNING FOOTSTEPS on the stairs, and a young woman of medium height and build bursts into the room.

She pauses for a few seconds examining the three other people in the room.

MRS. HUDSON
Here now, young lady, didn’t I tell you to wait downstairs?

She goes over to the woman, MARGARET DOUGLAS, and, taking her by the arm, begins to lead her towards the back of the stage.

The young woman breaks free from Mrs. HUDSON and runs over to CONAN DOYLE.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Mr. HOLMES, oh Mr. HOLMES, you’ve just got to help me.   I don’t know whom else to turn to.

Mrs. HUDSON walks over and takes her gently by the arm again.

MRS. HUDSON
Now, now my girl, that will be quite enough of that from you.

CONAN DOYLE
That will be all right, Mrs. HUDSON, the least we can do is hear the young lady out.

MRS. HUDSON (Uncertain.)
Well…
(Half a beat.)
All right…

She starts to walk towards the back of the stage.

MRS. HUDSON
If there is anything you need; you know where you can find me.

She walks off stage.

CONAN DOYLE
Very good, Mrs. HUDSON.
(To Young Woman.)
Now then, suppose you begin by introducing yourself, my dear.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Mrs. MARGARET DOUGLAS.

CONAN DOYLE
And I am…

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Yes, yes Mr. HOLMES, all of the world knows SHERLOCK.

CONAN DOYLE shrugs his shoulders in resignation and gives CARRINGBUSH a wry grin as CARRINGBUSH starts to walk off stage.

MARGARET DOUGLAS sees the doctor leaving, and calls after him…

MARGARET DOUGLAS
No, no, Dr. WATSON, don’t leave.   You must hear my problem also.

CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH exchange glances and CARRINGBUSH starts walking back.

CONAN DOYLE pushes over a chair for MARGARET Douglas.

CONAN DOYLE
Before we go any further, I propose that we all make ourselves as comfortable as possible.

MARGARET DOUGLAS sits down and CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH bring over chairs for themselves and sit facing her.   They are all side-on to the audience, about a third of the way back from the edge of the stage.

CONAN DOYLE
Now that we are settled, suppose you tell us what brings you to our doorstep, Mrs. Douglas?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Murder.

CARRINGBUSH
What?
(Springing To His Feet.)

CONAN DOYLE
Murder?   Of whom, pray tell?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
My husband, Ian Douglas.

CONAN DOYLE waves CARRINGBUSH to be seated and he obeys.

CONAN DOYLE
Do you have any idea who the murderer is?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
No. I can’t imagine anyone who would want him dead.   But the police think that it was ANDREW.

CONAN DOYLE
ANDREW?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
ANDREW DOUGLAS, Ian’s younger brother.   The police have taken him into custody.   But it can’t be ANDREW.

CONAN DOYLE
Yet the police must have some reason to suspect your brother-in-law, Mrs. Douglas.   They don’t go around locking people up m whims…
(Half a beat.)
These days.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Well…
(Half a beat.)
Yes.   You see ANDREW and I were engaged to be married…
(Half a beat.)
Before I met Ian that is.   So the police seem to think that he may have been nurturing a hatred for Ian these past five years, and finally it burst forth, causing ANDREW to commit cold-blooded murder.

CARRINGBUSH
Hardly cold-blooded murder under those circumstances.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
But I know that he did not do it.

CONAN DOYLE
How do you know it?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Because ANDREW was with me at the time when the murder occurred.

CONAN DOYLE
Then I fail to see what your problem is.   All you need do is go to the police and vouch for your brother-in-law’s whereabouts.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
But it is not quite that simple.

CONAN DOYLE
I don’t see why not?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Because ANDREW and I are lovers.

CARRINGBUSH
You mean you were lovers.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
No, no, Dr. WATSON.   Are lovers.   You see, Mr. HOLMES…
(Turning Toward Conan Doyle.)
ANDREW and I are lovers; we were sleeping together at the time of my husband’s killing.

CARRINGBUSH (Shocked.)
I say!

CONAN DOYLE
Well, that does somewhat complicate matters.   There is no way that you can vouch for ANDREW without letting on about your relationship.

CARRINGBUSH
But if she does that, the police will call her a biased witness.

CONAN DOYLE
Exactly.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
There must be something that you can do, Mr. HOLMES?

CONAN DOYLE takes his watch from his fob pocket and glances at it before returning it to the pocket.

CONAN DOYLE
Let me see, it is eleven o’clock now, so the murder occurred last night?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
That is correct.   But they did not take ANDREW into custody until an hour ago.

CONAN DOYLE
The first thing we will need to do is have a word with ANDREW DOUGLAS.   I don’t suppose that you happened to catch the name of the police officer in charge of the case?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Yes, yes, I did.   Let me think…
 (Half a beat.)
Oh yes, of course…
(Half a beat.)
COMMISSIONER LESTRADE.

END OF ACT ONE:

ACT TWO:
A multiple set, one area being the sitting room of the private investigator, WENTWORTH.   The second area is a prison cell.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE, CARRINGBUSH and CONAN DOYLE are on stage in the cell area, talking, when the curtain goes up.   The sitting room is in darkness.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
So SHERLOCK HOLMES is dead?

CONAN DOYLE
That’s right.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
How did he die?

CONAN DOYLE
He was struck down by the greatest killer of them all.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE (Startled.)
Professor Moriarty?

CARRINGBUSH
No, no, old age.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Oh, I see.

He heaves a sigh of relief.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
You had me worried for a second there.

CONAN DOYLE
So you see, Inspector…

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
It’s Chief Commissioner now, if you don’t mind.

CONAN DOYLE
So you see, Chief Commissioner, I am helping Mrs. Douglas to clear the name of her brother-in-law.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
You’ll have a hard job doing that, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.   He’s as guilty as the day is long.   Seems his sister-in-law was an old flame, before she dropped him for his rich brother.

CARRINGBUSH
Rich, eh?   She never mentioned that the deceased was a man of money.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
No, no, well, I suppose she wouldn’t, would she?

CONAN DOYLE
Perhaps not.   Still, you have yet to produce anything that would stand up against ANDREW Douglas in a court of law.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Then how about this?   The deceased was killed by his brother’s gun.

CONAN DOYLE
Can you prove that?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
I wouldn’t have said it if I couldn’t.   The gun has been identified by the dead man’s maid, BRIDGITTE…
(Half a beat.)
As well as by ANDREW Douglas himself.

CONAN DOYLE
ANDREW DOUGLAS has identified his own gun as the murder weapon?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
That’s right.

CARRINGBUSH
Well that’s hardly the act of a guilty man, COMMISSIONER LESTRADE.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Unless he was clever enough to realise that he has more to gain by admitting ownership of the gun than by denying it and perhaps being caught out in a lie.

CARRINGBUSH
Oh come on…

CONAN DOYLE
Possibly.

CONAN DOYLE begins to pace the cell, pondering over what he has been told.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
And the strangest thing is that the killing was totally needless.

CONAN DOYLE
How so, COMMISSIONER LESTRADE?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Because Ian Douglas was already dying.

IN UNISON:

CARRINGBUSH
What?

CONAN DOYLE
Dying?

END OF UNISON:

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
That’s right, of Ele  
(Half a beat.)
Elephan…

He takes a small notebook from his breast pocket and reads it.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Oh here it is…
(Half a beat.)
Elephantiasis.

CONAN DOYLE
What?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE (Consulting The Notepad Again.)
Elephantiasis.

He places the pad back in his breast pocket.

CONAN DOYLE
How in the world did he ever contract that?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
During a brief business trip to Trinidad.

CARRINGBUSH
Elephantiasis…
(Scratching His Chin.)
Isn’t that what killed John Merrick, the so-called Elephant Man?

CONAN DOYLE
No, but something very like it.

CONAN DOYLE starts pacing the cell again.

CONAN DOYLE
But listen here, LESTRADE.   If Ian Douglas suffered from Elephantiasis, then his brother ANDREW must have known about it.

CARRINGBUSH
Of course, it’s not exactly the sort of thing that you could hide.   What with your limbs and whatnot blowing up like balloons.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, that’s true enough, Doctor.   But as I have always said, there is no accounting for the way the criminal mind works.

CONAN DOYLE
Rubbish, LESTRADE.

LESTRADE is obviously taken aback by this.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, you didn’t come here merely to palaver with me, so I suppose I had better go and call in young ANDREW Douglas.

CONAN DOYLE
Oh, one thing first,

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE.   I forgot to mention that MARGARET Douglas thinks that I am SHERLOCK HOLMES.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
She thinks…
(Looking Toward Carringbush.)
And I suppose he’s Dr. WATSON?

CONAN DOYLE
I’m glad to see you’ve caught on so fast.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, I never.

LESTRADE goes over to the back of the stage and returns a few seconds later followed by ANDREW Douglas.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Mr. ANDREW Douglas.
(Pointing Towards Conan Doyle.)
This is Mr. Ar…

CONAN DOYLE
Mr. SHERLOCK HOLMES.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Er, what…?
(Half a beat.)
Oh yes, Mr. SHERLOCK HOLMES…
(Pointing Towards Carringbush.
And this is Dr. WATSON.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Good day, gentlemen.   I’m afraid that I do not quite understand what I can do for you?

CONAN DOYLE
On the contrary, Mr. Douglas, it is what we can do for you.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
I don’t understand.

CONAN DOYLE
Your…your sister-in-law has asked Dr. Carr…
(Half a beat.)
Dr. WATSON and myself to act on your behalf.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
I’m afraid I still don’t…

CONAN DOYLE turns towards LESTRADE.

CONAN DOYLE
Perhaps, Commissioner, could you be good enough to grant us a few minutes alone with Mr. Douglas.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, strictly speaking, I can’t.   Once he’s been -read his rights and booked, he’s only supposed to be left alone with his nearest relatives or his lawyer.

CONAN DOYLE
Very well then…
(Turning Towards Andrew Douglas.)
Have you had the opportunity to hire an attorney yet, Mr. Douglas?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Well no, I…

CONAN DOYLE
Very well then, we shall represent Mr. Douglas as his lawyers.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
You?   But neither one of you is a certified lawyer.

CONAN DOYLE
And neither one of us needs to be, in case you are not aware of British law, Commissioner.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, er…
(Half a beat.)
In that case I suppose it will be all right.

LESTRADE walks off stage.   Douglas goes and sits on the bunk-bed, while CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH stand at the end of it.   They are all side-on to the audience.

CONAN DOYLE
I have to be frank with you, Mr. Douglas…

ANDREW DOUGLAS
ANDREW, call me ANDREW.

CONAN DOYLE
All right, ANDREW…
(Half a beat.)
MARGARET DOUGLAS has told us of your affair, and where you were when your brother was killed.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
But we can hardly tell the police that, now.

CONAN DOYLE
No. But perhaps if you had told them in the first place…

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Mr. HOLMES, you have to understand that there was never anything impure about our relationship.

CONAN DOYLE
Then it was strictly platonic?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
No, no, of course not, Mr. HOLMES.   Grown men and women cannot have platonic love affairs.   That sort of thing only happens in novels.   When I said that it was never impure, I meant in the spiritual sense.   You see, Maggie was never happy married to Ian.

CONAN DOYLE
Yet she jilted you to marry him?

ANDREW Douglas is taken aback by this.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Well no…
(Half a beat.)
No, you see we had already broken up before she took up with Ian.   She had met Ian while we were going together and later quite a bit, while we were engaged.   Then when we broke off, Ian went to console her and gradually they began seeing more and more of each other and finally were married.

CONAN DOYLE ponders for a few seconds.

CONAN DOYLE
What caused your engagement to be broken off?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
A total misunderstanding.   In those days I was a junior lecturer at London University.   One of my pupils was a very attractive young Scots girl who was having difficulties with her studies.   She came to me for help and I started giving her private tuition.
(Half a beat.)
Maggie found out and, misunderstanding the situation, broke off the engagement.   Before things could sort themselves out, she had already married Ian.

CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH exchange glances.

CONAN DOYLE
Then how did you get back together again?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
It was about a year or so after her marriage that Maggie came to me.   She told me that she was frightfully unhappy with Ian.   He was a tyrant and used to beat her mercilessly for the smallest grievances.   I explained to her my innocence with the Scots girl, whose name I cannot even remember, and so we started seeing each other again…
(Half a beat.)
It was about six months later that we started sleeping together.   Only after Ian had made it quite clear that under no circumstances would he even consider granting a divorce.   Maggie was his property, as he put it, and he refused to part with her.   So it was either adultery or else starving ourselves to please a tyrant.

CONAN DOYLE
You say that your brother acted like a tyrant toward MARGARET?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
That is right.

CONAN DOYLE
Is that how you remember him from your youth together?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Well, Ian and I were never especially close.   I cannot say that he was an out and out tyrant toward the rest of the family, but he certainly always insisted upon getting his own way…
(Half a beat.)
I’ll be honest with you, Mr. HOLMES, I never loved my brother Ian, and I am not particularly sorry that be is dead.   But I did not kill him.

CARRINGBUSH
But he was killed with your gun.   How do you account for that?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
I can’t.   I don’t know how the killer got hold of the gun.

CONAN DOYLE
Had you noticed that it was missing, prior to your brother’s death?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Well, yes I had.   It disappeared about a month ago.

CONAN DOYLE
How are you able to so exactly place the date?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Because I noticed the loss of the gun a day or two after visiting my brother.

CARRINGBUSH
Visiting your brother?

CONAN DOYLE
But I thought that you were not close?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
We weren’t.

CONAN DOYLE
Then why did you visit him?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
I received a telegram from Ian, asking me over.   It turned out that he had found out, somehow, about Maggie and me, and he wanted to gloat over the fact that he would never grant a divorce.

CONAN DOYLE
And so you argued with him?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Yes.   But nothing ever came of it.

CONAN DOYLE
Do you have any idea how he discovered your affair with MARGARET?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
No.   At first I thought that she must have broken down and confessed, however she ardently denied it.   Later I simply assumed that he had deduced it.

CARRINGBUSH
Deduced it?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Yes.   He knew that Maggie frequently spent a night away from the house; she had asked him for a divorce…
(Half a beat.)

CONAN DOYLE
And she had been engaged to you before she married him.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Exactly.

CONAN DOYLE
So when did you notice the loss of the pistol?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Around noon, two days after visiting Ian.

CONAN DOYLE
Did you always take your revolver when you went outside?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Yes, always.   These days you have to.

CONAN DOYLE
So the gun could have disappeared at any time while you were at your brother’s, or after you returned home?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
That is right.   But there is no way that Ian could have taken it.

CARRINGBUSH
Why not?

ANDREW DOUGLAS (Looking Toward Conan Doyle.)
Because he was never out of my sight all of the time that I was there.

CONAN DOYLE
Then you wore your coat all the time while you were with him.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
No, the maid, BRIDGITTE, took my coat and hat when I arrived and returned them when I left.   But Ian was never out of my sight the whole time I was there.

CARRINGBUSH
Then the maid could have taken the gun!

ANDREW DOUGLAS
But why?   BRIDGITTE had no reason to murder Ian.

CONAN DOYLE
For how long was BRIDGITTE employed by your brother?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
More than fifteen years.

CONAN DOYLE
Fifteen years?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Yes, since she was twenty-one or -two, and my brother was in his late twenties.

CONAN DOYLE
A decade before your brother married MARGARET DOUGLAS?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Yes.

CARRINGBUSH
Then perhaps they had been having an affair and the maid killed him out of jealousy when he jilted her in favour of MARGARET!

CONAN DOYLE
Possibly.   But it is dangerous to theorise too much without knowing all the facts.

There is the sound of knocking and

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE enters.

CONAN DOYLE
Time up, eh?

CONAN DOYLE takes his watch from his fob pocket, glances at it, then returns it to the pocket.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
No, no, you can stay as long as you care to.   Make it twenty years if you like…

CARRINGBUSH
Very droll.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
But there is another visitor here for Mr. Douglas.

MARGARET Douglas rushes onto stage as LESTRADE walks off stage.

ANDREW Douglas rushes over to MARGARET DOUGLAS and they hug.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Maggie.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
ANDREW.

They cuddle together for a moment, then MARGARET DOUGLAS breaks away and rushes over to CONAN DOYLE.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Oh Mr. HOLMES, I was hoping to find you still here.

CONAN DOYLE
Why, what is the matter?

She delves into her purse and takes out an envelope which she hands to CONAN DOYLE.   He takes out a single sheet of white paper and reads it to himself.

CARRINGBUSH
What is it?

CONAN DOYLE
It is a letter from a Mr. WENTWORTH demanding five hundred pounds in connection with the death of Ian Douglas.

IN UNISON:

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Blackmail?

CARRINGBUSH
A blackmail note!

END OF UNISON:

CONAN DOYLE
That is what it would seem like.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
But we have nothing to hide.   I did not kill Ian.

CARRINGBUSH
It could be about your relationship with your sister-in-law.

CONAN DOYLE
More than likely.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
But how could that hurt us?   Ian is dead and there is no one else that it needs to be hidden from.

CONAN DOYLE
True.   Before you can be blackmailed you need to have something to hide, but more importantly you need someone to hide it from.

CARRINGBUSH
Well then, what about from the police?

CONAN DOYLE (Hesitantly.)
Mmmm, yes…
(Half a beat.)
I suppose so…

He looks at the front of the envelope.

CONAN DOYLE
The letter is postmarked after the death of Ian Douglas.

CARRINGBUSH
Yes?

CONAN DOYLE
Oh, I was just wondering whether the papers had broken the new of his death by this morning…
(Half a beat.)
So Doctor, the game is afoot.

The lights dim on the set and the second area is lit up as CONAN DOYLE and
CARRINGBUSH walk onto stage.

WENTWORTH, a tall bespectacled man, is in an armchair before the desk, reading a book, when they enter.

He puts down the book and rises to greet his visitors.

WENTWORTH
My maid said that you were Sir Arthur CONAN DOYLE?

CONAN DOYLE
That is correct.

WENTWORTH
Not the famous author?

CARRINGBUSH
He is.

WENTWORTH grabs
CONAN DOYLE by the right hand and pumps it furiously.

WENTWORTH
Well, well, this is a great honour.   I have read all of your stories, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.   I particularly liked The White Company and its sequel, Sir Nigel.

CONAN DOYLE
That is most gratifying.   Most people prefer my detective yarns.

WENTWORTH
Well, I’ve read those too, of course.   But The White Company and Sir Nigel seem to so vibrantly picture that wonderful period in British history.
(Turning To Carringbush.)
Don’t you think so?

CARRINGBUSH
Why, er, yes, yes, of course.

WENTWORTH
But what was it that you wished to see me about, gentlemen?

CONAN DOYLE
We are acting on the behalf of Mrs. MARGARET Douglas.

WENTWORTH
MARGARET Douglas?…
(Half a beat.)
Oh, I see.

CONAN DOYLE reaches into his breast pocket and takes out the envelope.

CONAN DOYLE
It is about this letter which Mrs. Douglas received from you.

WENTWORTH
Ah, my letter.

CARRINGBUSH
Blackmail is a very serious business, you know.

WENTWORTH (Puzzled.)
Blackmail?   But I don’t…

CONAN DOYLE
How can you deny demanding money from Mrs. Douglas?

He takes the sheet of paper from the envelope.

CONAN DOYLE
It is right here in black and white.

WENTWORTH
No, no, I don’t deny asking for the money.   But I was not trying to blackmail her.

CONAN DOYLE
Then what?

WENTWORTH
Merely asking for payment for services rendered.

CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH exchange glances.

CARRINGBUSH
But MARGARET Douglas swears that she has never heard of you.

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, so how could she possibly owe you anything?

WENTWORTH
She doesn’t.

CONAN DOYLE
What?   But…?

WENTWORTH
Perhaps I should be a bit more direct.

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, please do.

WENTWORTH points toward some armchairs.

WENTWORTH
But perhaps first you would like to make yourselves comfortable.

CONAN DOYLE
Thank you kindly.

CARRINGBUSH
Don’t mind if we do.

They pull up the two chairs and place them facing toward Wentworth, with CONAN DOYLE on the side nearest the audience.

CONAN DOYLE
Now, you were saying, Mr. WENTWORTH?

WENTWORTH
I was about to explain that MARGARET Douglas has never heard of me, however her late husband had…
(Half a beat.)
The services rendered were to Ian Douglas.   But since he is no longer with us, he obviously cannot make payment.

CONAN DOYLE
So naturally, since his widow has inherited his estate, she also inherits his debts.

WENTWORTH
Precisely.   I am glad to see that you are so understanding.

CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH exchange glances, then CONAN DOYLE looks back toward WENTWORTH.

CONAN DOYLE
I hope that you will take no offence by what I am about to say…?

WENTWORTH
By all means, speak your mind, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

CONAN DOYLE
I was going to say this it is a common enough confidence trick to claim debts of the newly dead.  …
(Half a beat.)
Can you prove that Ian Douglas really did owe you the money?

WENTWORTH
Quite simply, Mr. CONAN DOYLE, because I have detailed notes and tape recordings of all of our conversations.

CARRINGBUSH
Tape recordings?   But…

CONAN DOYLE (Puzzled.)
Exactly what type of work did you do for Mr. Douglas, Mr. WENTWORTH?

WENTWORTH
Well, I am a private investigator…

CONAN DOYLE
Then you were hired to follow his wife?

WENTWORTH (Startled.)
Very perceptive, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.   Ian Douglas suspected that his wife was having an affair.   So he hired me to find out with whom.

CONAN DOYLE
And did you?

WENTWORTH
Oh yes.   I followed MARGARET Douglas to her brother-in-law’s residence on eleven separate occasions, and took rather explicit photographs of them together on three occasions.

CARRINGBUSH
How despicable!

CONAN DOYLE
Steady on, old fellow.   Mr. WENTWORTH was only doing his job.

WENTWORTH
Exactly, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

CARRINGBUSH
But what a job!

WENTWORTH
Yet, were my actions any worse than those of MARGARET DOUGLAS and ANDREW Douglas?

CARRINGBUSH
Why yes, of course, they had been…

CONAN DOYLE grabs CARRINGBUSH by the arm.

CONAN DOYLE
Steady on, old fellow, we are not here to judge Mr. WENTWORTH…
(Half a beat.)
Or MARGARET and ANDREW Douglas.

WENTWORTH
Thank you, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

CARRINGBUSH
But do you really expect MARGARET Douglas to pay you for spying on her?

WENTWORTH
I expect her to pay me for services rendered.   Nothing more and nothing less.

CARRINGBUSH
And if she refuses to pay you, what then?

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, what then, Mr. WENTWORTH?   I am sure that you can understand that
MARGARET Douglas might not exactly feel that it was her duty to pay you, under the circumstances.

WENTWORTH
Well, if she refuses to settle her debt, then I will be forced to take the matter elsewhere.

CARRINGBUSH (Shocked.)
Take it to the press, you mean!

WENTWORTH
No, no, not at all, Doctor.   I meant to the courts.

CARRINGBUSH
The courts?

WENTWORTH
Yes, of course.   That is the usual method of dealing with defaulters.

CONAN DOYLE
Yet that would result in the story reaching the press, since there are always journalists in the courtrooms.

WENTWORTH
That is most unfortunate, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

CARRINGBUSH
I thought that you said this isn’t blackmail!

CONAN DOYLE
Steady on, old fellow.

WENTWORTH
I was hoping that you would be more understanding, Doctor.   I have no wish to embarrass MARGARET Douglas.   I only seek what is rightfully mine.

CONAN DOYLE
And you shall have it.
(Rising To His Feet.)
I personally will see that you receive payment in full, Mr. WENTWORTH.

WENTWORTH
Why, that is most kind of you, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

CONAN DOYLE reaches down to grab WENTWORTH’s right hand as CARRINGBUSH rises to his feet and prepares to leave.

WENTWORTH
I am sure that you appreciate that in my line of work I must take whatever work is offered to me.

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, of course.

CARRINGBUSH
Still, you could attempt to steer clear of this kind of thing.

WENTWORTH
Normally I do, Doctor.   However, Mr. Douglas was quite insistent.   He offered me payment considerably above my normal rate.

CARRINGBUSH
A very moral man, apparently.

CARRINGBUSH and
CONAN DOYLE turn to leave.

WENTWORTH
On the contrary, Doctor.   More of a hypocrite.

CONAN DOYLE and
CARRINGBUSH stop and turn back toward WENTWORTH.

CONAN DOYLE
A hypocrite?…
(Half a beat.)
I don’t understand.

WENTWORTH
Ian Douglas was positively livid about his wife’s affair.   Yet he was also being unfaithful to MARGARET Douglas.

CONAN DOYLE
Ian Douglas was having an affair?

WENTWORTH
That’s right.

CONAN DOYLE
For how long did the affair last?

WENTWORTH
For the better part of fifteen years.   Right up until Douglas’s death.

CARRINGBUSH
Then it was with the maid?

WENTWORTH (Startled.)
The maid, BRIDGITTE, yes.

CONAN DOYLE
How did you become aware of their relationship, Mr. WENTWORTH?

WENTWORTH
Well, Ian Douglas told me to use every means at my disposal to acquire evidence against his wife.   So I took the liberty of bugging the Douglas house.

CARRINGBUSH
Bugging?   I don’t understand.

CONAN DOYLE
A bug is a small electronic transmitter that is hidden in a room so that you can listen in on private conversations.

WENTWORTH
Exactly, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

CONAN DOYLE
Was Ian Douglas aware that you had bugged his house?

WENTWORTH
No.   I did not see the need to inform him.   He had already granted me carte blanch.

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, of course.

WENTWORTH
That is how I found out about Ian Douglas and BRIDGITTE.   I had planted bugs all over the house to catch possible conversations between MARGARET Douglas and her lover…

CONAN DOYLE
Instead you picked up details of the affair of Ian Douglas and the maid.

WENTWORTH
Precisely.

CONAN DOYLE (To Carringbush.)
So, Doctor, the plot thickens.

CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH walk off stage and WENTWORTH returns to reading his book while the curtain closes.

END OF ACT TWO:

ACT THREE:
Set in Ian Douglas’s bedroom.   The room is large.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE is on stage going through the room as CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH walk onto stage.

CONAN DOYLE
Ah Commissioner, still doing your own leg work I see.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Just sifting through what the leg men have turned up.

CARRINGBUSH
The evidence, eh what?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Very astute, Doctor.   Yes, the evidence.

CONAN DOYLE
Very substantial is it?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
On the contrary, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.   Very little at all.   But I think we have enough to hold up in court.

LESTRADE walks over to the dressing table, followed by CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH.

CARRINGBUSH
The murder weapon, eh?

He starts to pick up the gun, but then stops himself.

CARRINGBUSH
Shouldn’t touch it, I suppose?   Might smudge any fingerprints.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Help yourself, Doctor.   The lab boys have already been over it.

CONAN DOYLE
And?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Nothing.

CONAN DOYLE
No fingerprints, eh?   What a pity.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Still, we know that the gun belongs to ANDREW Douglas.

CONAN DOYLE
But he claims that the gun went missing a month prior to the killing.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
He told us that, too.   But it will never stand up in a court of law.

CONAN DOYLE reaches forward and picks up a white glove from the dressing table.

CONAN DOYLE
And what is the significance of this to the killing?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Nothing, as far as I know.

CARRINGBUSH peers at the glove.

CARRINGBUSH
A white glove, eh?   Right hand.

CONAN DOYLE
Then why is it with the gun?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
It was turned up by a constable while looking through the dead man’s clothing.   We put it there an the off chance that it might be important.

CONAN DOYLE
Did you question the maid about it?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Yes, she doesn’t know anything about it.   Just says the other glove must have got itself lost somehow.

CONAN DOYLE takes a close look at the glove.

CONAN DOYLE
And yet it is nearly brand new, by the look of it.

LESTRADE takes a look at the glove, then scratches his head in puzzlement.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Why so it is.   I never noticed.   Do you think that it is important

CONAN DOYLE
Perhaps.   Perhaps not.   But it is worth noting.

He returns the glove to the dressing table.

CONAN DOYLE
Nothing else?

LESTRADE scratches his head, thinking.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, there’s the glass.

He leads CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH over to the left hand side of the set, half way to the back of the stage.

CONAN DOYLE
The broken window glass.   We figure that this is how the killer got in.   Through the window.

CARRINGBUSH
On the second storey?

CONAN DOYLE stoops to examine the glass.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, if you’d care to take a look, Doctor, you will see that there is a great Elm tree right outside the window.

CARRINGBUSH
An Elm tree, eh?

CONAN DOYLE straightens up again, and takes a brief look out the window.

CONAN DOYLE
So you theorise that ANDREW Douglas climbed up the Elm tree, smashed in the window, stepped through and killed his brother, climbed out again, and back down the tree, then made his escape.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
That’s what it looks like.

CONAN DOYLE
Does it really?   LESTRADE, you amaze me.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Thank you, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

CARRINGBUSH
He didn’t mean it as a compliment.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE gives CARRINGBUSH a hard look.

CONAN DOYLE
There are only three things wrong with that theory, LESTRADE.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Three things?

CARRINGBUSH
Only three?   I could think of dozens.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE gives him another hard look.

CONAN DOYLE
Firstly, why did ANDREW Douglas bother to go to all of that trouble when he could have simply knocked on the door and have been admitted by his brother?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Because he did not want the maid to see him enter.

CONAN DOYLE
And yet he left his revolver behind so that she could identify it, after having shown it to his brother in her presence?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Very careless of him.

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, unbelievably so…
(Half a beat.)
Secondly, how could he have climbed out and down the tree again without being observed?   Surely the gunshot would have awakened the entire neighbourhood.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE scratches his head, pondering.

CARRINGBUSH
And the third point?

CONAN DOYLE
If you examine this glass…

They all stoop to examine it.

CONAN DOYLE
You will notice from the way that it has fallen to the side of the room that the window could not possibly have been closed when the window was broken.

IN UNISON:

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE (Shocked.)
What?

CARRINGBUSH (Shocked.)
What?

END OF UNISON:

CONAN DOYLE
Clearly the window had to have been broken from inside the room.   If you notice this window opens inwards instead of outwards, or upwards as most windows do.

CARRINGBUSH
So someone could stand behind it, while inside the room…

CONAN DOYLE
Exactly.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Then it had to have been broken by the killer after the murder was committed?

CONAN DOYLE
A fair assumption.   It is rather unlikely that Ian Douglas would have just stood by and watched while his killer went through such an elaborate rigmarole.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
But all of this points towards ANDREW Douglas, not away from him.

CONAN DOYLE
How so?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, if he had been admitted by his brother, it would be in his interests to make it appear as though the killer had climbed in through the window.   More so than anyone else at least.

CONAN DOYLE
LESTRADE, you’re brilliant, absolutely brilliant! …
(Half a beat.)
And I am an idiot!

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, there’s no need for sarcasm.

CONAN DOYLE
That’s it, of course.   Why didn’t I see it before?

He ponders for a few seconds, then turns to CARRINGBUSH.

CONAN DOYLE
Well Doctor, all of the pieces are finally starting to come together.

CARRINGBUSH
What?   Well, I have to confess that I am completely in the dark.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE (To Conan Doyle.)
Then you can prove that ANDREW Douglas killed his brother?

CONAN DOYLE
On the contrary, Commissioner.   I believe that I can prove that he did not.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
What?   But…
(Half a beat.)
Well go on.   Don’t keep us in the dark.

CONAN DOYLE
Not yet, LESTRADE.   Be patient.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, I hope you realise that withholding evidence from the police is a criminal offence.

CONAN DOYLE
I am not withholding evidence, LESTRADE, merely delaying presenting it.   I think first I will need to have a word or two with the maid, BRIDGITTE.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
The maid?   But what has she…

CONAN DOYLE
Don’t you see, Commissioner?   If the killer did not come in through the window, then he must have entered through the door…

CARRINGBUSH
Ergo the maid must have seen him!

CONAN DOYLE
You would certainly think so.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Yet she says she saw no one!

CONAN DOYLE
Precisely, LESTRADE.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, well.   We will certainly have to have another word with our Miss BRIDGITTE.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE starts to walk off stage.

CONAN DOYLE
Oh, before you leave, Commissioner…

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE stops and looks back.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Yes?

CONAN DOYLE
I have been meaning to ask about the state of this room.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
State of the room?   But apart from the broken glass the room is in perfect order.

CONAN DOYLE
Exactly.   I wondered what state the room was in before you had it tidied up?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Tidied up?   But we haven’t touched the room.   Well, other than to search through it.

CONAN DOYLE
You haven’t touched it…
(Pondering For A Few Seconds.)
Then there were no signs of a struggle between Ian Douglas and his assailant?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
No, none…
(He Considers For A Moment.)
Except that the dead man’s left hand was partly clenched, as though to hit out at someone.

LESTRADE walks off stage while CONAN DOYLE ponders over what he has been told.

CARRINGBUSH
So the maid killed him?

CONAN DOYLE
I’ll reserve my suspicions until we have spoken to her.   But no, BRIDGITTE did not kill Ian Douglas.

CARRINGBUSH
Yet you know who did?

CONAN DOYLE
I believe so.

CARRINGBUSH
Well, I can only repeat that I am in the dark.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE and BRIDGITTE walk onto stage.

CONAN DOYLE
Now BRIDGITTE, there is no need to be nervous, I just want to ask you a few questions.

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Mr. HOLMES.

CONAN DOYLE
I believe that you were the one who found the body of Ian Douglas?

BRIDGITTE
Yes sir.   It was my custom to bring Mr Douglas his breakfast in bed…

CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH exchange glances.

BRIDGITTE
That’s how he liked it…
(Half a beat.)
On that morning, however, I was unable to rouse Mr Douglas after knocking repeatedly upon the door.   So I used my spare key to enter…
(Half a beat.)
I have a spare key to all of the rooms so that I am able to dust them at any time.   I entered the room and found Mr Douglas dead on the floor.

CONAN DOYLE
So what did you do?

BRIDGITTE
I hurried downstairs to telephone the police.

CONAN DOYLE
Still carrying the breakfast tray?

BRIDGITTE
Pardon, Mr HOLMES?

CONAN DOYLE
Superintendent…
(Half a beat.)
Commissioner Lestrade has stated that the bedroom has not been tidied since the body was found.   Since there are no spilt breakfast utensils on the floor, you must have carried the tray back downstairs.

BRIDGITTE (Looking Puzzled.)
Oh, yes, yes, I did.

CONAN DOYLE ponders this for a few seconds.

CONAN DOYLE
You said that you ran downstairs to telephone the police?

BRIDGITTE
Yes, that is right.

CONAN DOYLE
But there is a telephone right there.

He points to the telephone on the bedside table.

BRIDGITTE
I thought it would be best not to touch anything in the room until the police arrived.

CONAN DOYLE
In case you destroyed any evidence?

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Mr HOLMES.

CONAN DOYLE
Such as fingerprints on the telephone?

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Mr HOLMES.

CONAN DOYLE
That was very level-headed of you.   Most women would have been too hysterical to think so clearly after finding their employer dead on his bedroom floor.

BRIDGITTE (Hesitantly.)
Thank you, Mr HOLMES.

CONAN DOYLE goes over to the bed and picks up the gun from the dressing table.

CONAN DOYLE
This is the murder weapon, BRIDGITTE?

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Mr. HOLMES.

CONAN DOYLE
Which you identified as belonging to ANDREW Douglas.

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Mr. HOLMES.

CONAN DOYLE
How could you be so certain?

BRIDGITTE
Because I saw Mr. ANDREW show the gun to his brother when he first purchased it.

CONAN DOYLE
How long ago was that?

BRIDGITTE
About two years.

CONAN DOYLE and LESTRADE exchange glances.

CONAN DOYLE
And yet you were able to positively identify it?

BRIDGITTE
I have a very good memory for things like that.

CONAN DOYLE
Things like what?   Like guns?

BRIDGITTE (Flustered.)
No, no, Mr. HOLMES, that’s not what I meant at all.  …
(Half a beat.)
Besides you can see ANDREW Douglas’s initials, A.D., in the handle of the gun.   That was one thing that he pointed out to his brother when he showed him the gun.

CONAN DOYLE looks at the handle, nods, then puts it down and picks up the white glove.

CONAN DOYLE
What do you make of this, BRIDGITTE?

BRIDGITTE
It is one of Mr. Douglas’s gloves.

CONAN DOYLE
Do you know what has become of its partner?

BRIDGITTE
No, Mr. HOLMES.

CONAN DOYLE
And yet this is a nearly brand new glove.   Surely its partner could not be lost already?

BRIDGITTE
I don’t know, Mr. HOLMES.

He puts down the glove and walks over to the broken glass on the floor.

CONAN DOYLE
What do you make of this?

BRIDGITTE walks over and looks at it.

BRIDGITTE
Broken window glass.

CONAN DOYLE
Made by the killer climbing in through the window?

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Mr. HOLMES.

CONAN DOYLE
How can you be so sure?

BRIDGITTE
I only assumed…

CONAN DOYLE
You assumed?

BRIDGITTE
Why, I…
(Half a beat.)
Isn’t that what the police believe?

CONAN DOYLE
Not at all.   We have established that the window was broken from the inside after Ian Douglas was already dead.

BRIDGITTE
What?   But how did the killer get into the room then?

CONAN DOYLE
The same way as we did.   Through the door.

BRIDGITTE
Through the door?

CONAN DOYLE
That is correct.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Which brings us to the question of how he got in and out again without being detected by you?

BRIDGITTE
Why, I…
(Half a beat.)
I do not know.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
A likely story.

CONAN DOYLE
Indeed, LESTRADE, if Miss BRIDGITTE was already in bed asleep.   If she was able to sleep through the gunshot, it is most unlikely that the sound of mere footsteps would have disturbed her.

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Mr. HOLMES.   I am a very sound sleeper.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
A very sound sleeper!

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Commissioner.
(Turning Back Toward Conan Doyle.)
Will that be all, Mr. HOLMES?

CONAN DOYLE
Yes.   For now.

She turns and starts to leave.

CONAN DOYLE
Oh yes.   Can you think of any reason why ANDREW Douglas would have wanted to kill his brother?

She stops and looks back.

BRIDGITTE
No, Mr. HOLMES.   But I did hear them quarrelling about a month ago.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Quarrelling, eh?

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Commissioner.

CONAN DOYLE
Do you know what about?

BRIDGITTE
No, Mr. HOLMES.   I am not in the habit of listening in to other people’s conversations.

CONAN DOYLE
That will be all then.

BRIDGITTE walks toward the back of the stage and is about to leave.

CONAN DOYLE
Oh yes, there was one last thing.

She stops and looks back.

BRIDGITTE
Yes, Mr. HOLMES?

CONAN DOYLE
Was Ian Douglas left-handed?

BRIDGITTE (Puzzled.)
Yes, Mr. HOLMES.

She turns back and walks off stage.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE (Puzzled.)
Left-banded?
(Scratching His Head.)
What in the world made you ask that?

CONAN DOYLE
Logically he had to be left handed.   Simple deduction.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Deduction?   Well I have to admit that I am completely baffled by your line of enquiry, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

CONAN DOYLE
Elementary, LESTRADE.   I am simply trying to fit together all the pieces of the puzzle.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Pieces of the puzzle?   I go by facts, Mr. CONAN DOYLE; clues, not by puzzles.

CONAN DOYLE
All facts are pieces of the puzzle, LESTRADE.   The puzzle of who killed Ian Douglas.   I believe I know the answer, and it certainly was not ANDREW Douglas.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Then who was it?

CONAN DOYLE
Before I can tell you that with absolute confidence, I will need to have a word with MARGARET Douglas.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Oh all right.

He goes off stage to look for MARGARET Douglas while CONAN DOYLE and
CARRINGBUSH return to the bedside table.

A few seconds later LESTRADE and MARGARET Douglas walk onto stage.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Mr. HOLMES.   Are you any nearer to clearing ANDREW DOUGLAS?

CARRINGBUSH
Nearer, he reckons he’s solved it.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Solved it?   Then you can clear ANDREW DOUGLAS?

CONAN DOYLE
I believe so.   But there are still a few loose ends that I would like your help with.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Anything, Mr. HOLMES.   Anything at all if it will help to clear ANDREW.

CONAN DOYLE
Well, to start with…
(He Picks Up The Gun.)
This is ANDREW DOUGLAS’s gun?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Yes.

CONAN DOYLE
Was it his custom to always carry the gun about with him?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Whenever he went outside, yes.

CONAN DOYLE ponders that for a few seconds.

CONAN DOYLE
When was the last time that you can recall seeing the gun?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
About a month ago.

CONAN DOYLE
And then ANDREW noticed the loss of the gun?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
About two days after visiting Ian.

CONAN DOYLE
Did he report the loss of the gun to the police at the time?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Yes.   But not until he had searched the house top to bottom to make certain that he had not merely mislaid it.

CONAN DOYLE turns toward COMMISSIONER LESTRADE.

CONAN DOYLE
Is that true?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Yes…
(Hesitating For A Few Seconds.)
But if he was already planning to murder his brother, it would have been common sense to report the gun missing.

CONAN DOYLE
To cover his tracks?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Yes, of course.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
But he is innocent.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
We would like to believe you, Mrs. Douglas.   But I am afraid that the evidence is stacked pretty heavily against your brother-in-law.

CONAN DOYLE
Nonsense, LESTRADE.   There is no evidence against ANDREW Douglas.   In fact, quite to the contrary.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE stares and scratches his head in bewilderment.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
I wish that you wouldn’t keep saying that, unless you intend proving it.

CONAN DOYLE looks from COMMISSIONER LESTRADE to CARRINGBUSH, to MARGARET Douglas, then back to LESTRADE.

CONAN DOYLE
Very well then, LESTRADE.   If you will call back the maid, BRIDGITTE, I think it is time that I laid my cards on the table.

MARGARET DOUGLAS (Puzzled.)
BRIDGITTE?   What has she…

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE walks off stage and returns a few seconds later followed by BRIDGITTE.

MARGARET Douglas walks over to the dressing table where CONAN DOYLE and CARRINGBUSH are standing.

LESTRADE leads BRIDGITTE over also.

BRIDGITTE is noticeably disturbed and looks as though she might turn and flee at any second, except that LESTRADE has a hand on her left shoulder, restraining her.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Well, it looks like we’re all here, so perhaps you would care to enlighten us now, Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

IN UNISON:

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Conan Doyle!

BRIDGITTE
Conan Doyle!

END OF UNISON:

MARGARET DOUGLAS
But I thought that you were SHERLOCK HOLMES?

CONAN DOYLE turns toward MARGARET Douglas.

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, I am sorry for that lie.   SHERLOCK HOLMES is an associate of mine.   He was…
(Half a beat.)
Indisposed when you called, so since you seemed more confident taking me for SHERLOCK HOLMES, there seemed no reason to disillusion you.

CARRINGBUSH
Well, come along, CONAN DOYLE, we’re all ears, you know.

CONAN DOYLE
Not yet, old fellow, be patient for a few more moments.   There is still one person missing.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
What?

Scratching his head for a few seconds, then he looks up with a flash of inspiration on his face.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
You mean Ian Douglas isn’t really dead…
(Half a beat.)
Like in the Case of the Five Orange Pips that I solved!

CONAN DOYLE
You solved?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Er, well…
(Half a beat.)
Mr. HOLMES and I.

CONAN DOYLE
No, Ian Douglas is quite dead, have no fear of that.

There is a noise at the back of the stage and everyone turns to see ANDREW Douglas walk onto stage.

ANDREW DOUGLAS sees MARGARET DOUGLAS and hurries over to her.   They hug and he kisses her.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Hey, how did he get here?

CONAN DOYLE
I sent for him.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
You sent for him?

Scratching his head in bewilderment.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
But I’m in charge of this case.   He’s my prisoner.

CONAN DOYLE
I’m sorry,

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE, but I went over your head.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Over my head?
(Turning Toward Andrew Douglas.)
How did you get past the police officers downstairs?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
I showed them this…

He reaches into his shirt pocket and takes out a note which he gives to
COMMISSIONER LESTRADE who reads it.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Signed Mycroft HOLMES!
(Turning Toward Conan Doyle.)
Blimey, you did go over my head.

CONAN DOYLE
Well, if we are all ready, perhaps I can explain to you now how Ian Douglas met his demise.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Yes, how did he die?   If he wasn’t murdered by his brother, then who did murder him?

CONAN DOYLE
No one.

IN UNISON:

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE/ANDREW DOUGLAS/
MARGARET DOUGLAS/CARRINGBUSH
What?

END OF UNISON:

CONAN DOYLE
That’s right.   No one murdered Ian Douglas.   Unless you consider suicide to be self-murder.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Suicide?   But why would he have committed suicide?

CONAN DOYLE
To get back at his wife and brother for their love affair.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
What?   You mean ANDREW and MARGARET DOUGLAS…

CONAN DOYLE
That’s right, COMMISSIONER LESTRADE.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Still, I can understand a man being enraged by his wife and brother having an affair on the side.   But killing yourself is hardly an effective way to get revenge.

CONAN DOYLE
It is if you are already dying of Elephantiasis, a particularly agonising way to die, and you can arrange it to look like murder; can arrange it so that your wife’s lover is the obvious suspect.

CARRINGBUSH
Sort of killing two birds with the one stone, eh what?

CONAN DOYLE
Exactly, old fellow.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE scratches his head in deep thought.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
But wait on.   How did he get the gun?

ANDREW DOUGLAS
That’s right.   I was with him the entire time the night that I visited Ian.   There is no way that he could have taken the gun.

CONAN DOYLE looks toward BRIDGITTE.

CONAN DOYLE
But you could have.   Couldn’t you, BRIDGITTE?

BRIDGITTE
Me!

CONAN DOYLE
That’s right.   You had every opportunity to take the gun.   You relieved ANDREW of his hat and coat when he arrived, then returned them when he departed.

BRIDGITTE
But why should I take the gun?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Yes, what did she have to gain by it?

CONAN DOYLE
Seeing her lover achieve revenge, and seeing him out of his agony.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Her lover?

BRIDGITTE is looking extremely nervous.

CONAN DOYLE
That’s right, LESTRADE.   Shortly after we were called in to investigate, MARGARET Douglas received a note from a Mr. WENTWORTH.   The man Ian Douglas hired to follow her.   It seems Mr. WENTWORTH is a very good private detective.   He not only obtained proof of MARGARET Douglas’s affair with her brother-in-law, but also Ian Douglas’s affair with his maid.

BRIDGITTE
He’s a liar!

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Can he prove it in court?

CONAN DOYLE
Oh yes, he has tape recordings he made of the couple together.

All eyes turn toward BRIDGITTE.

BRIDGITTE
So what if I was his lover?   That doesn’t prove that I helped him kill himself!

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
No, it doesn’t.

CONAN DOYLE turns toward COMMISSIONER LESTRADE.

CONAN DOYLE
But it gives her a reason to.   It also explains how Ian Douglas obtained his brother’s gun.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
But proof CONAN DOYLE.   We’ve got to have proof that he killed himself.

CONAN DOYLE
And we do: the gun, clean of prints, the right hand glove…

He picks the glove up from the table and puts it down again.

CONAN DOYLE
And the broken window glass…

Pointing back toward the glass on the floor.

CONAN DOYLE
Broken from the inside in such a way as to make it appear, at first glance, as though it had been broken from the outside.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
But how do these prove he killed himself?

CONAN DOYLE
Quite simply.   To begin with, the gun is clean of prints because Ian Douglas wore a glove, a white glove.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
But that’s a right hand glove!

MARGARET DOUGLAS
And Ian was left-handed.

CONAN DOYLE
Yes, this is the partner of the one he wore.   After he shot himself, wearing the left hand glove to prevent leaving fingerprints on the gun, BRIDGITTE carefully removed the gun from his hand, then removed the glove and destroyed it or threw it away.   What she forgot to do was destroy its partner.

CARRINGBUSH
But if he had a gun in his hand when he died, his fist…

He stops to think.

CONAN DOYLE turns to CARRINGBUSH.

CONAN DOYLE
Exactly, and his fist was clenched…
(Turning Toward Lestrade.)
As you said, COMMISSIONER LESTRADE, ‘As though to hit out at someone’.   In reality, it was from gripping the gun when he died.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Yes…
(Scratching His Chin.)
Yes, that would explain it.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
But what about the broken window glass?   What was the point behind that?

CONAN DOYLE
To make LESTRADE suspect ANDREW DOUGLAS.   Ian and BRIDGITTE took it for granted that we would see through that ruse.   It was intended that we should.   So that when we did, the natural suspect would be ANDREW Douglas who could have been admitted by his brother or even had his own set of keys to the house.   And in whose interest it would have been to make it appear as though the killer came in through the window.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Ah, now I understand.
(Turning Toward Bridgitte.)
Well, young lady, what have you got to say for yourself?

BRIDGITTE breaks down and starts crying.

BRIDGITTE
Yes, yes, all right it’s true.   at is exactly how we did it.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE grabs
BRIDGITTE by the right hand and starts leading her off stage.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
All right my girl, come along with me…
(Half a beat.)
This will be another feather in my cap when they hear down at the Yard how I solved this one.

CARRINGBUSH
You solved it?

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE
Er, well with some help from Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

COMMISSIONER LESTRADE and BRIDGITTE walk off stage.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
What will they do to her?

CONAN DOYLE
Well, unless ANDREW decides to press charges against her, she’ll probably get away with a suspended sentence.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
No, I have no wish to hurt her.   I’m just thankful to be free.

MARGARET DOUGLAS and ANDREW hug and kiss, and CONAN DOYLE turns to CARRINGBUSH.

CONAN DOYLE
Come along, old fellow.   I think it’s about time we were going.

CARRINGBUSH takes his match out of his fob pocket and glances at it.

CARRINGBUSH
Yes, indeed it’s…
(Half a beat.)
My goodness, it’s after 4 a.m. I hadn’t realised it was so late.

He returns the watch to the fob pocket and he and CONAN DOYLE begin to leave.

MARGARET DOUGLAS
But you must allow me to pay you for your services, Mr. HOLMES…
(Half a beat.)
I mean Mr. CONAN DOYLE.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
Conan Doyle?

CONAN DOYLE
Your happiness is payment enough.

ANDREW DOUGLAS
(To Margaret Douglas.)
I thought he was SHERLOCK HOLMES?

MARGARET DOUGLAS
Well, so did I…

END OF ACT THREE:

END OF PLAY:
© COPYRIGHT 2010
Philip Roberts