A short humorous film noir script in the style of the Marlowe films written in voice-over form.

So the case was closed.

The case of the Cartridge case.

Or was it a case of cartridges?

The case of the case of Cartridge cases?

It was late and I was tired.

Too tired to care.

All I knew was that the case was closed, Lola was behind bars and Captain O’Hanrahanramannahanohan was a happy man.

I was ready to hit the sack.

In fact I was ready to hit the sack, the duffel-bag, the complimentary shampoo sachet, the burlap bag and the grocery store take-home brown paper sack I was so bushed, but little did I know the case of the Wooden Maori God was about to come through my office door.

I put on my snap-brim fedora.

The brim came away in my hands as usual.

I put a Chesterfield to my lips and took out my zippo then looked up as a tap came at the door, followed by a stop-cock at the window and a length of three-quarter-inch waste pipe at the fire-escape. But that was another mystery I’d have to plumb later.

She came silently into the room, walked up to my desk and looked me right in the eyes. Then left at the nose and twice round the block.

I put my Zippo away and drew on the Chesterfield.

I liked the effect so I added a pastel on the chaise longue and an oil painting on the sofa.

She took the cigarette from between my lips and helped herself to a drag and said, I like your style.

I said it’s neo-cubist with a touch of pointillism but I like it.

She gave me a long look at that, followed by a three-quarter peep and half a glance.

I said it’s been a long day Sister, let’s just cut to the chase.

So we went over to the chaise and sat down.

She handed me back my cigarette that bore her lipstick’s traces.

Dug in her purse and took out an airline ticket to romantic places.

I took it from her and said it’s too late for these foolish things.

I asked her who she was and what was she doing there so late at night.

She told me her name was Penny Black, a senator’s wife.

It came as no surprise to me, I could tell she bore the stamp of authority.

I asked her what the problem was. I could tell she had a lot on her mind so I said get it off your chest. She looked at me strangely and said, Get off my back, what is this an anatomy lesson?

Liked it
  • Ley on Oct 21, 2007

    Oh my god those puns! very funny

  • Phil on Oct 24, 2007

    I laughed so much the tears ran down my legs!!

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