God: Can we cut through the crap?

Design Lead: Uh, right. So, it turns out there are a few outstanding size concerns. We’ve got them mostly hammered out, but -

God: Just the concerns, please.

Design Lead: Yes, of course. It’s the exit opening. It’s just . . . uh . . . how to phrase it? . . . um, it’s just a little, intsy, teeny – bit on the small side.

God: How small?

Design Lead: Well, as you know, it was soooo important to Adam that we keep the vaginal opening to a minimum –

God: How small?

Design Lead: Well, geez . . . another twelve centimeters would have been good.

God: You need twelve more centimeters! Christ! How is that supposed to work?

Design Lead: All due respect, Sir, we’ve overcome an enormous number of obstacles to get this far. We had to come up with some new material formulations that would allow the actual birth canal to expand to about five times its normal size. That’s way beyond our original specs for this thing. These results are quite impressive, if I do say so. And we worked with the skeletal engineers to make some modifications that allow, what I think you’ll agree, is a rather clever solution. It’s a wider, semi-flexible, expanding-bone framework.

God: I’m no expert, but isn’t that much stretching going to be horribly uncomfortable?

Design Lead: The data on that isn’t really conclusive yet. Now, we could desensitize the area by eliminating several nerves, but we all know that’s never gonna fly with Eve (chuckle).

God: And the male’s function in all this is . . . sperm delivery?

Design Lead: Well, basically . . . yeah.

God: Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea, afterall.

Design Lead: Well, to make up a little for the imbalance, is an enhanced Neuro package, that allows for a practically unlimited repetition of the pleasure cycle for the female. And keep in mind, the brain will eventually figure out a way to solve a lot of these problems on its own.

God: You’re sure of that?

Design Lead: Oh, yeah. Neuro has that under control.

God: Good Lord, this sounds like a disaster.

Design Lead: Sir, I think it’s safe to assume that eventually the brain may even come up with a way to create complete reproductions outside the body, making the whole ovary/uterus thing sort of obsolete, if you will. Those guys have done some amazing things, as you’ll see.

God: I certainly hope to. Now, is there anything else?

Design Lead: No. I think that’s about it.

God: Thank Me. Now, who’s next?

With that, the Digestive Systems Team Chief addressed “El Jefe,” and began presenting the next report, beginning with a problem involving the esophagus and a faulty mechanism meant to control the flow of stomach acids.