A story written by a little guy in the family – in school. I promised to publish it for him so don’t be too hard on the story.
- He told me that it wasn’t done. Will it ever be? 
I lean over the dead body covered in blood. – There’s rat everywhere. For how long has the body been here, officer? “Only for 3 hours”, the officer said. I felt cold. I’ve been warning them against this. This was not supposed to happen but when they won’t listen… My generation has preached for centuries and I, for decades. The world is changing. The lungs were ripped out from the body. Just like the other organs had been removed from the 4 other bodies the previous days.
5 people had been killed in one week. All the victims were brutally killed in the evening, just after the sunset. The killer had removed one organ from each corpse.
“It must be a serial murderer. Could it be a cannibal?” the officer asked me. It’s hard to say. Why would he want the heart and not the rest of the body? It makes no sense. But it matches with the earlier bodies the police had found the earlier days.
Nothing happened until the next evening. Patrick McCoy was out walking his dog when the dog suddenly stops and turns around. It was barking. But there was nothing. He turned around and forced his dog to follow him. Patrick is tired and when the dog walks into a bush he doesn’t pay attention to it. The next thing he hears is the sound of a metal tool flying rapidly through the air and the sound of a keen blade cutting the dog in two pieces.
NOOOOOOO!! BENJAMIN!!- Patrick cries with happiness in his voice. “Damn Dawwwg” the murderer said. The next thing that happens is that Patrick’s head is removed from his shoulders in one swift swing. The murderer lifted the head and found out that he had killed the wrong guy. Damn dawwwwg! He yelled.
He spotted another man with a dog very identical to Benjamin on the other side of the street. He walked up at him and fortunately he had not seen what had happened in the park. He looks the other man in the eyes, reaches for a cigarette in his pocket and asks him for a lighter. “I think it’s your lucky day pal…” the murderer said. “Why’s that?” the other man asked him and handed him the lighter. “Because you’ve got a thousand opportunities pal”.The murderer opens his jack and shining tools and weapons appears at the sides his jacket. “Ok. Pick your tool with a lot of thought to it”. The man looks a little suspicious but starts considering his favorite weapon or tool. “What’s it gonna’ be? The murderer says.
“Hmm. I think I’ll go for the scissors. I’ve always wanted to be a barber!”. “Hmm… Pick another. You’ll get the scissors too” the murderer says. “Great! It really is my lucky day! Those tools are so shiny.. Oh well I pick the giant murderer-axe that you’ve got right there friend.” The victim said. “Alright! That’s an excellent choice.” The murderer says with a happy tone in his voice. The next and last thing the victim sees is the murderer swinging the axe, going for his throat. The dog is now gone. Blood was flowing out of the neck of the person who looked like Patrick McCoy with the dog very identical to Benjamin. But the job was not done yet. The victim is now lying in a pool of blood and the murderer knows what to do. He pulls his pants down and reaches for the scissors. He takes the scissors and cuts off the …
The rest up to your imagination he says in a weird and craszy tone.
hehe he did well. Definitely tell him to keep it up
Thanks all of you I’m sure he appreciates it. Also, I think he messed it up a bit, making it funne instead of a horror story! Well thanks!
Best regards,
BluSphere & Co.
Heather: I agree. It’s full of imagination. He’s a funny little fella
Nishlaverz: Thanks, I’ll tell him this. He’ll go crazy when he sees all these great comments!
Pattiann: I am. Thanks a lot!
Fool Proof: Well. That’s up to you!
lovestar2010: Thank you.
Great comments all of you. I’m sure he’ll be very happy to see these comments.
Best regards,
BluSphere
This is a good story. But a little attention to detail about the grammer wouldn’t go amiss
For example: punctation always goes ‘inside’ the speech marks, “Hello, my name is Thyme.” Notice the period (full stop) inside the bracket. The same goes for comma’s.
Another thing I noticed was at the beginning. “There’s rat everywhere.” First, one rat can’t be everywhere. And if there were more than one ‘there were’ or ‘there are’ should be used.
But a good story nevertheless
SharifaMcFarlane: Haha. I know how you feel. He’s got a crazy imagination..
Marie Milton: Yes that’s true. I agree, there’s some grammar problems. I think this is because he (as I) is from Denmark, and not even 15 yet. Well. Thanks
Lord Banks. He he. Perhaps?
Thanks for the comments, guys.
Best regards,
Blu
Thank you Leo, Albert & Simon. He’s going to feel really good, I’m sure.
Best regards,
Blu
Beautifully written, how old is the fellow? What a vivid imagination! Definitely a promising young writer
quite voice: haha. This is such a crazy story. Thanks for the kind words. I’ll pass them on.
Squirrelacus: Thank you very much
Jessie Will: He said to me that I wasn’t to tell his age but he did this story with one of his good friends. Sorry, but well I’ll pass the comment on to him. He’ll be glad to hear this:)
Thanks all of you,
Best regards,
BluSphere
Nice Share.
Who’s that little fellow? He’s good huh! that was a suspense and I wanted to say what’s next oh common what’s next?
Yes Thank you!
____
He has now seen all the comments and he just went crazy because of all the nice things you guys wrote. Thanks a lot to all the people who commented and read the story! He really gained some self-esteem here
Best regards,
BluSphere
Thank you so much. It means a lot to him and I’m so proud of him.
I’ll show him how to create a Triond account and then we’ll see if he’s going to write anything.
Thanks,
BluSphere
Ashley: You’re welcome Thanks.
MaxBuceo: I’m glad you liked it. Thanks!
Best regards,
Blu
Nice story
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