Written over 20 years ago, this comedy still has some relevency due to the bizarre form of gobbledegook paper-sellers still speak.
Sharon Mullions allowed herself to be led through the crowded streets of Melbourne by her cousin, Barbara McDaniels. A native Californian, Sharon prided herself that Australia was merely a poor-man’s United States, or “America in microcosm” as she liked to say, in a bid to impress her cousin with her University of California sociology degree. As the Melbourne lunchtime crowd jostled her on both sides, Sharon thought, “That’s one thing the two countries have in common, peak hour crushes!”
The two women stopped at the streetlights at the corner of Flinders and Swanston Streets, facing toward the famous facade of Melbourne’s Finders Street Station. When the lights changed to green the two women hurried across to climb the steps to the small arcade leading to the various platforms.
As Sharon took out her ticket to show to the guard at the top of the ramp leading down to platforms six and seven, a teenaged paperboy thrust a rolled up newspaper under her nose and shouted, “Errol Inal raped her, and about time too! Errol Inal raped her, and about time too!”
Shocked, Sharon stopped in her tracks and asked, “My God, did he really say what it sounded like?”
“Errol Inal raped her, and about time too,” repeated the paperboy. “Errol Inal raped her, and about time too.”
Almost through the gate to the ramp, Barbara McDaniels stopped and returned to where her American cousin was standing and said, “I don’t know, what did it sound like he said?”
“Errol Inal raped her, and about time too,” repeated the paperboy on cue. “Errol Inal raped her and about time too.”
“Listen,” insisted Sharon and the paperboy repeated his message.
“So what? He’s got to call out like that to sell his newspapers. That’s his job,” said Barbara, thinking, “Don’t they have newspapers in the United States?”
“Errol Inal raped her, and about time too.”
“I know it’s irritating, but they all call out like that. Haven’t you heard them before? After all you’ve been in this country for eight days now!”
“She makes it sound like eight years!” thought Sharon. Aloud she said, “Called out that a woman had been raped!”
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