“Have you been waiting long?” came a deep baritone male voice from behind me.
“I beg your pardon?”  I asked while I hastily turned around and felt my jaw drop. There standing behind me was the most gorgeous guy I have ever laid my eyes on! He looked like one of those guys you only saw on the magazine covers, those that resembled ancient Greek gods. He seemed too perfect to be true. I knew that I was gawking at him and I had to mentally kick myself to pull my gaze away from him. With a lot of effort I tried to distract myself and I saw that he was holding a tattered copy of ‘Pride and Prejudice’.
“You  read?” It was a stupid question, but the worst part of all was the tone of my voice! I sounded as if I did not believe he could do it.
“Looks can be deceiving you know,” he answered chuckling. “If I manage to read two lines from any book of your choice will you agree that you have been waiting for me?”
“I’m sorry,” I started feeling the blood rush to my face. “I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. And…I believe you must have  mistaken me for someone else.”
I certainly was not waiting for anyone at all. I had gone to the library that afternoon to unwind and to relax myself. I knew that sounded pretty much like what a geek would do, but that is my reality. I am a geek. But I hope that I didn’t look the part. However, I also know that my looks will never land me a guy as gorgeous as the one right in front of me now.
And for some reason I could not fathom, he seemed to be flirting with me! There he was in all his gorgeous form giving me a smile that certainly knocked my socks off, it freaked me out more than it flattered me.
“I’m not sure I know you…” I said hesitantly, I didn’t know how to give a witty come back. I was sure my mind had turned to mush, which was a great demise on my part because I had wanted very badly to impress him with my humor and witty comebacks. Not that I had any on a regular basis. “And I’m not waiting for anyone,” I added with an unsure voice. Did any of my friends set me up for a blind date without them telling me? If that was the case, then it wouldn’t be the first time. But they usually made it their mission to primp me up before the date. The thought of this situation being another set-up from my over zealous friends made me want to laugh and kill them at the same time. Although, I have to admit that they certainly did pretty well this time.
“Well, that can’t be right,” he said giving me a lop sided grin. “Because I know I was waiting for you,” he added as he gracefully slid  in the chair beside me. “After I read those two lines you dared me to read, you have to admit that you’ve been waiting for me too…”
That afternoon we spent the entire time talking and getting to know each other. I also found out that he was not sent out by my friends. He approached me because he took interest in me at first glance, those were his words and that was how we met.
It was certainly a weird way to meet someone. But John was never one of those conventional guys. He was always looking for something fun to do or things that very few people even dared to imagine. He always pointed out that had he not come along in my life, I would be wasting it by sitting around doing boring, predictable and safe activities. He constantly complained that I was too safe or too precocious, he was the only person I know who loathed safety measures. He seems to get a kick scaring the hell out of me. But I must admit that these experiences made me look at life through a different perspective. I lived my life parallel to his, and I loved every minute of it.
Days turned to weeks and weeks merged into months until it turned to a year without us even realizing it. A year of being together in sheer bliss. He became the reason for my existence. I could never imagine a life without John. We were inseparable. This connection we had, it was weird. It felt like I have known him forever, that he was a part of me, I knew that he was my better half. And I would never be complete without him. But we also had this strange thing of dancing around the topic of how we felt about each other. I knew I loved him and I knew that he loved me. But both of us never express it out loud. It was as though we were afraid of jinxing it. That saying it openly or expressing it would somehow ruin everything. So we stayed that way, being together but not committing to anything.
Then came one balmy afternoon, it was cloudy and dark, almost raining but not quite, I waited for him by the library steps. It was exactly the very date that we met a year before. It was the same place, and at exactly the same time he sat beside me and smiled that same lop-sided grin that took my breath away the very first time.
“Have you been waiting long?” he asked softly as he leaned towards me and gave me a light kiss.
“Hmm…” I mumbled closing my eyes. I felt very content and very complete when I was with him. He completed me.
“What do you have in stored for me today?” I asked smiling up at him. But my smile soon faded when I saw him just staring out into space with a lost expression in his eyes. It was a look that I was not familiar with. It was a stoic expression. and I didn’t like it.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him, but I didn’t want to hear him say that there was something wrong. I just wanted him to reassure me that everything was perfect and that it will stay perfect just like how things had always been between us.
“I need to go,” he said quietly.
“You want to go now?” I was confused. “But you just got here.”
“I need to leave,” he qualified, still not looking at me.
I didn’t understand what he was trying to say to me and it scared me, I felt the world spinning into oblivion. And I was right in the middle of that whirlpool of uncertainty.
“Why do you have to leave?” I croaked.
He didn’t answer, he sighed a deep sigh then turned to me with an over bright smile. “We should celebrate,” he said pulling my arm as he pulled himself up. “It’s been a year since the day we first met.”
I just allowed him to drag me along the ‘celebration’ because at the back of my mind I knew that something terrible was about to swoop in on us. We went to a fancy restaurant, and then to an amusement park and we did karaoke in a bar painted with bright neon colors. It was supposed to be a fun night. But I didn’t enjoy it, I just went along with him because I wanted to savor every moment I had left with him. He never mentioned about not coming back, but the way he said it made me worry. He sounded as though he would go away permanently. I wanted to nag him and ask him why he was leaving me and where he was going. I had so many questions and he is the key to the answers to these questions.  I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I didn’t want him to leave me, that I would die if he left. But I was scared to bare it all out. What if it was the very reason why he wanted to leave me? Maybe I was becoming too clingy, too predictable, and even too boring. I didn’t want to saddle him with my insignificant self.  But I also wanted him to stay or  to take me where he was going. To never ever leave me.
“That was fun,” he stated as he walked me to my building. It was the biggest lie I have ever heard.
I didn’t enjoy this evening at all. I was riddled with worry the entire day. Yet I had dreaded for this day to end because it might be our last day together. But I wanted to know his reasons, I wanted to find out why he was leaving me.
“Okay,” I began, “so tell me again why you’re leaving.” I tried to sound casual as best as I could, but my voice pretty much gave away the fact that I was close to weeping.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said shaking his head.
“Why not?” I asked in irritation.
“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” he said in stonily.
“Why not now?” I asked pushing my luck. I couldn’t bare the suspense anymore.
“Because we are both too tired to make sense right now,” he explained as he rumpled my hair.
“I can’t believe you…” I whispered but my frustrations were clearly showing. “I don’t want to take part in this mystery game your playing,” I complained sullenly.
“Don’t worry Cindy,” he reassured me, “everything’s going to be alright. You don’t need to worry.” But his words felt empty, it lacked conviction. I knew that something was indeed amiss.