“Did you buy these turnips?”

            She held up the clear plastic bag of turnips. He barely glanced over the back of the couch, engrossed in the paper.

            “I hate turnips.” He said and turned a page.

            She hated turnips, too. So…bulbous. How likely was it that a burglar would break in and put turnips in their well-stocked fridge? An odd sort of Robin Hood. Idly, she put the turnips back into the refrigerator. She didn’t like to waste.

            “When do we need to leave for the funeral, dear?”

            “Half an hour. No hurry.”

            It really wasn’t. By attending the wake, they hoped to avoid attending the actual funeral. Bertram had been a college friend. A few years after they had all graduated from college, he had suddenly reappeared in their lives; staining their new carpet with his muddy boots. Bertram worked in construction and had had a job nearby when he heard that the Maclans were living in those delightful condos down on the river. Wasn’t getting in touch with old friends, grand? What a nice life they had made for themselves. Yes, the Maclans agreed, wincing with horror as he made himself comfortable on their couch. From that day on, he had forced renewed contact, splattering dirt and affection everywhere. Eventually, they stopped dropping snide remarks: he simply never caught on. To his dying day wholly unaware that time and distance had made them into quite a different person that him.

            “And thank God for it.” The words were out of her mouth before she could politely restrain them.

            “What, dear?”

            She closed the refrigerator door, and briefly reminded herself that she no longer needed to buy the Summerfest Pale Ale that Bertram had loved. Though continually inviting himself over, he really had been polite about not coming at dinnertime, and bringing small gifts. In return, they had started keeping beer stocked for him – he had spit out the cosmo they made him all over their divan – and they were always sure to buy it when they found that if you could get him to finish his second beer he would leave.