I find myself here… living in a hotel room, failing college, working as a stripper, hating myself, and waiting to die every single day. I’m lonely, I’m scared, I’m angry, I’m hurting, & no one cares.

I haven’t been to class in a little over 3 weeks & not one person has noticed. Not one text, one call, one facebook message, no ‘are u okay’, or ‘where have u been?’… I’m alone. I’m friendless. I tell my parents everything’s okay. I tell them I’m getting all A’s in school now. I tell them so many lies.

They don’t know I’m stripping. They don’t know anything. They think I’m better now. I messed up last semester & had to medically withdraw to go to rehab. I then lived in a halfway house, then the psych ward after attempting suicide, then I got evicted, & then I relapsed… & now I’m alone in this hotel room. Laying here at 8:43 in the morning. I haven’t slept in days. There’s piles of trash on the floor.

I haven’t showered in idk how long. There’s empty bottles everywhere. There’s a coke can with holes in it I use to smoke pot & crack in. There’s coke powder & rolled up dollar bills next to my sink. There’s pills hidden in my stripper shoes. I’m losing weight. I’m about to drop out of freshman yr of college & I’m going to runaway and road trip across the US. To get away from all of this. I’m scared. I’m tired. I’m lonely. I’m cold.

No one hears me snorting my life away. No one sees the tears. No one gives a damn… I guess everyone has fears. It’s just hard knowing you’re dying, & no one cares anymore. They’ve all given up on me.

I’ve given up on me. Where did it all go? When did I become this…… empty, invisible, zombie girl?