A little chat with the devil.

Hey! Pay attention. You know who you are. It’s time we had a little natter, touched base, got better acquainted. We’ve been dancing around each other for years. Oh I think you know me by many names. There – that’s a huge clue. That should have popped some light bulb in your tiny crusty head.

Don’t pretend you don’t know me because we have been having little chats since you were three years old. Remember how I used to hide in the big wardrobe and play bogyman with you? It was fun wasn’t it? Certainly I know you were scared – that was the whole point.

Look, we need to discuss a couple of things because you are getting the wrong idea about me. People are putting about these malicious rumours. It’s hurtful. Some of the religious ones even believe I am responsible for every little major catastrophe which befalls them. Well, think again.

I don’t do tsunamis and hurricanes. That’s just natural. “Shit happens,” as the wise men say. This “Mr Evil” title has been blown up out of all proportion. If you don’t believe me check the Bible. Examine the death toll if you like. God’s tally..? More than two million. Impressive eh! I mean, you don’t want to be around the Big Guy when its his turn to clean the cooker.

Me? How many am I responsible for? Take a guess. Wrong! Wrong again. I’ll tell you, God 2,038,334. Me..? Ten… Actually to be quite honest I beat myself up for days about running into double figures.

And look at all the things I taught you. With my help you were ready to face up to the errors of your ways. I coached you that there was something wrong with you, that you are imperfect; but there isn’t and you’re not.

I encouraged you to look for flaws in yourself and when you found them to hate yourself for being the way you are; to punish yourself until you changed. When I told you that this was what good people do you believed me. You stopped trusting yourself. You lost confidence in your abilities. You stopped loving yourself because this is what self-centred people do. Hah!

Let me tell you something. By time I’m through, you will hold an unshakable belief that the only hope of being good is to punish yourself when you are bad, because without punishment bad will triumph over good. Well here’s a little “head”s up’ for you. It was a lie. Oh come on… Have you never lied?

You think that being good will get into heaven. Cast your mind back to Sunday school. You were never promised heaven. You were promised Resurrection. That’s when all the dead people get out of their graves and walk around again. I can’t wait to see that. After the Great War, Resurrection just seemed a miracle too far for most folks. Their fathers and sons were splattered across Europe; and it wasn’t me who did that. Let me tell you, Heaven, or hell, is were you are now. It depends on how you look at things.

I want to let you into a little secret. It’s the thing that mostly gets me into trouble. You see I don’t actually do anything wrong. What I do is give you options, and since you are straddled with this free-will thing, you sometimes pick options He doesn’t like. Often you don’t like them either after a while, but hey, that’s your problem. However sometimes they are fun aren’t they? I actually empower you. I’m the good guy if you look at it right.

And you know what? You know who I really am? It cracks me up. I’m you. (end)

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