An epic story of an epic noob.
Once upon a time, there lived a noob. He was not an ordinary noob, for he was the best noob. In his right hand, he wielded the finest bronze sword any noob could have, and in his heart he wielded the strongest weapon of all- Courage. He was only to be referred to as “Great Noob”. This is his story.
Sweat dripped from his face. He has encountered a gargantuan rat, hungry for food. The foul beast lunged and broke his wooden shield to splinters. Then, it leaped for Great Noob with deadly force. Quickly he moved, and the rat missed him by an inch. With one great, swift slash, Great Noob beheaded the hungry rat. He knelt down to pick up its bones and its meat. He walked to the general store in nearby Lumbridge to sell his wares. As he was trading with the merchant, a warrior clad in a full bandos set approached the noob. “You! Great Noob!”, he yelled with an impressive rage. Great Noob turned around to see that he had a poisoned dragon dagger close to his neck. ”Follow me, or die,” he threatened. Great Noob responded calmly, “Won’t I appear in Lumbridge if you kill me?” Annoyed, the warrior threw Great Noob on the ground and started to kick him with the spike of his dragon boot. When the warrior was going to give him one last kick, Great Noob sprang to his legs and punched him where a punch would most hurt, and he sprinted away from the angry warrior. Just when it seemed like Great Noob got away, he was caught by two other high-leveled goons. “Who sent you guys?!”, Great Noob asked. “None of your business, noob!”, one of them answered, and the other knocked Great Noob out with the pommel of his Godsword.
Great Noob woke up to find that he was captured. A guard threw a bowl of water at Great Noob like a Frisbee. The bowl hit him in the face and the water splashed all over his shirt. Great Noob reached for his sword and got up to his feet. He poked one of the guards with the sword. “Owwwowwwwouch!!!”, the guard said. “Tell me what’s going on here now!” A dark wizard came in the room and said, “I will explain things, sit tight. I hear you’re the most powerful noob of all the noobs in the world.” Great Noob ignored him and said, “What do you want with me?” “I want you to- AAAH! MY EYE!” Great Noob spit in his eye, then he slashed his sword at his neck. The wizard leaped back and the sword slash missed his neck by inches, and he pulled out his Dragon Claws. He hacked and slashed at the noob, but missed every time. Great Noob held his sword tightly in his hand and lunged at his heart. The dark wizard blocked it with his claws, and threw Great Noob against the wall. He pulled out his throwing knives and each of them pinned him to the wall. He called his guards, and each of them came in with Godswords. Great Noob yelled out and tried to escape, but every attempt was in vain. One of the guards charged at Great Noob, but did not attack. Instead, he turned around and slashed another one of the guard’s head off, then dashed at the other and sliced his body in half. He turned towards the leader, wizard, and charged, but right before he could deliver that final blow, the dark mage teleported. Before Great Noob could say anything, the guard teleported too, to look for him.
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