I am glad to have you back as I continue this journey of how I overcame that strong word adversity. There are great feelings that were attached to that word, worthlessness,failure,defeat,etc..really there are only 2 feelings good and bad,period. This didn’t come to me until much later as I had willingly learned to adopt those feelings as normal. That’s the “easy”part…now for some background on who I was in my own eyes for over 25 years.

I was in the foster care system from the age of 5 .This is the earliest I can recall having those feelings and convincing myself they were true..imagine at 5 years old? I was fortunate to be placed with a family that was loving , however very protective. I lived on a beautiful farm in Upstate New York, complete with cows, chickens, and a garden that provided all of what seemed our daily meals. I don’t ever recall as a child ever stepping foot in a grocery store.As an adult that notion seems foreign to me , but one I long to go back to -natural living.

I remained in the care of this foster family for several years, never giving thought that they werent my parents or family, or that I would ever be eventually snatched away from what I had grown to love so deeply.

That day came at the age of 12, I can recall it like a scene out of a tear jerker. I remember coming home from school and being asked to sit down and feeling an immediate sadness, even though I had no idea what this “meeting” was about. In the next few minutes, I learned that my life, my seemingly happy life, would change again. My family could no longer care for us , they were getting old and feared they wouldn’t be able to raise us anymore? Sounds so strange now, but looking back I see they were trying to soften the blow.

In what seemed like a short few days , were were packed up and given to the care of our “new” adoptive family. A couple with no kids of their own, that’s all I knew. I wanted no part of them,I couldn’t even bring myself to look at them..a deep sadness followed me as now at the age of 13 I had to change myself to “fit” this new family. They had no idea who i was , how dare they do this!!!! I was so happy , secure, loved, and just like that it was ALL gone.