One Woman’s Escape.

Ailsa quietly cleaned up the debris of her youngest son’s brief and as usual uninformative visit and thought of his older brother, currently employed sweeping the streets as repayment for his somewhat antisocial practice of stealing other people’s cars. “You have to love them. But you don’t have to like them” she repeated.

She slowly climbed the stairs and paid a last visit to her bedroom. She softly touched the pink candlewick bedspread. “Goodbye bed” she whispered. She moved into each of the boys’ rooms. “By boys. Be good” and surprised herself with a doubting laugh. In the bathroom she saw her husband’s toothbrush, now alone; hers was packed. Softly squeezed the little yellow duck that had been her bath-time companion for so many years and then, on impulse, she took him with her. “I’m not leaving you to THEM” she said. Down the stairs and into the sterile dining room. Only used at Christmas. Cold and clean, it had no charm. The cheap pine dining table and matching chairs had cost them £8 a month for 12 months. She wouldn’t miss it. She hovered at the threshold to the lounge. She didn’t enter. This wasn’t really her domain. He lived in there. She simply cleaned it because she knew that he never would. She pulled the door to. She turned and saw her battered brown suitcase beside the front door. “I’m coming” she sang to it going back into the kitchen and placing the card that she had written for him on the table.

She knew what would happen, and it did. The door bell rang and she opened the front door. That part she was certain of. She had expected an oldish man to be standing there. In fact, her caller was about 30, female and smartly turned out in a chanel suit, she recognised the buttons, light grey in colour over a crisp cotton shirt. Expensive black court shoes, long legs encased in sheer tights, and a broad smile. Such shiny teeth. “Are you ready? The car’s waiting”. The girl looked at Ailsa’s suitcase and reached out her hand. “I’ll take this for you”. Ailsa closed the door behind her and locked it. Then, on an impulse she posted her key through the letter box. The girl looked at her and shrugged. “OK. First stop the awards centre. We’ve booked you into the Ritz for tonight and the George IV in Paris from tomorrow for the rest of the week. That was right wasn’t it?” Ailsa nodded affirmatively. “I’ve never handled a £30 million pound lottery winner before” the girl sighed. “I do so want everything to be right for you. Are you ready?” Ailsa took one look back at her old home and then, with a new found definition in her voice replied “I’m ready”!

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Comments (17)
  • Virginia B Gaces on Jan 2, 2009

    Hello P1keF1sh,

    That was cool I like most especially the ending. Wow! I came out happy reading the story. You’ve got style. Keep writing. Kudos to you for a very well written story.

    Jena Isle

  • g_aileen09 on Jan 2, 2009

    You have a future in writing!!! keep it up.

  • Ann Marie/Fifty on Jan 2, 2009

    Yes, I rather thought this was the one.
    And I’ve already given you my ‘critique’.
    For the public record though…………author! author! more! more!
    Congrats on going public with it P1ke. I am proud of you.

  • fasttalker on Jan 2, 2009

    Great Story! Keep up the good work!

  • Wendy on Jan 2, 2009

    I love the way you can tell this woman’s life story, and make me feel what she feels in just a couple of pages. Excellent use of words. I am proud of you. Good job.

    Now, consider my suggestion!*S*

  • Ellie on Jan 2, 2009

    I agree with Wendy youcan feel what this woman feels but really was expecting the ending. Enjoyed the read. Got lost in it. Keep up the good work.

  • Opal on Jan 2, 2009

    Extremely well written Pike! You definitely have a knack
    for story telling! Definitely keep writing! This was a wonderful
    story with a surprisingly happy ending!

  • judy43 on Jan 2, 2009

    I loved it. Very well written. Keep writing

  • LC Sanders on Jan 2, 2009

    Wow, I was surprised with the ending. I like to twist my endings also. I really didn\’t think she would really leave at the end but for that much money I\’m sure I would leave too! ( I don\’t know how much 30 million pounds are in England, can you tell me?)

    http://www.triond.com/users/LC+Sanders

  • P1kef1sh on Jan 3, 2009

    Thank you all for your very encouraging comments. I appreciate them all. L C Sanders: £30 million is about $43.5 million US.

  • elitess on Jan 3, 2009

    Good work pike, keep it up – i am expecting a new story from you soon ;)

  • Mtdewgurl74 on Jan 3, 2009

    Excellant penmanship Steve. I liked this story alot, It says they are hope out there for many who find themselves in the same place in their life and that they are always hope and that they just have to take that step in the right direction for them. They don’t have to wait to win a few million to do so. Just have support waiting. loved your story..

  • JulioBandido on Jan 3, 2009

    You are good. Shall we all expect you now to go full-blast on writing?

    May the GOOD LORD always keep the winds behind your sails.

  • Dorypanda on Jan 3, 2009

    That’s a brilliant story, I didn’t expect that ending. Keep up the writing. :)

  • Mary Patricia Bird on Jan 5, 2009

    Great story with quite a surprise, and pleasant, ending. Good work.

  • Franny on Jan 7, 2009

    Well done Pikey. What a beaut story…I too became quite caught up in the drudgery that was this woman’s life. I’d love to have read the card she left him and I’d loved to have been a fly on the wall when they realised she was gone…what a great story…you have a gift my friend…truly.

  • Owlwings on Jan 13, 2009

    Very nice writing, P1kef1sh. Just the right touch of wistfulness, leaving the triumphal fanfare to the very last moment. It is good – very good!

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