LEARN TO MOVE ON

My friend Suman lives in the US. She met Raman at the high-flying PR company that she was working with, fell in love with him and got engaged too. The two began doing the rounds of housing societies so that they could pool together their resources and buy their dream house. Suman’s romance was everything we could possibly wish for ourselves. Then one day out of the blue, Suman called, sounding strange. Obviously, something was very wrong. When I met her, Suman looked as if her world had collapsed. Tonelessly, she told me of how a distraught pregnant young woman had come and confronted Raman abusing him hysterically of cheating her. Horrified, Suman had watched as Raman had tried to physically evict the woman out of the flat. He had then looked at Suman’s white face furiously and said, ”You don’t believe me. I am willing to undergo a paternity test. He said he loved me but he was cheating on me and two-timing you.” Suman had looked at Raman and seen something shift in his eyes. Knowing that the woman was telling the truth had changed her life forever. Overnight Suman took long leave and left for an unknown destination. Her resignation letter came by post and I got a call from her a year later from the US saying she had taken up a job in Boston. Ten years later, when I met Suman unexpectedly, I would never have recognized her had she not called out to me. Gone was the meticulous, well-groomed, optimistic and outgoing woman I knew. She was 10 times heavier, her face was devoid of make-up, and her hair was severely pulled back. She was more withdrawn and there was a wall that even I, as her childhood friend, could not break through. At dinner, she drank and ate too much. Raman had destroyed her self-esteem completely. He had married the same woman and now had two children. Suman was not just spiritually wounded, she had not yet moved on. Without closure, she had not healed and was unable to walk in the light of who she was.

DEPEND ON YOURSELF

Women have been raised to believe that alone, they are incomplete and that a man will make them feel whole and complete. The truth is that Prince Charming does not exist and that we have to seek wholeness within ourselves, because if we don’t find it inwardly, we won’t find it anywhere else, so how will people like Suman heal? Patri’s suggestion is stark and practical, “Start by telling the truth about yourself. People who have been cheated often believe they deserve what they got. But that is far from the truth. If you see yourself with all your strengths instead of focusing on one angle of limitation, that is the time healing begins. By limiting and concentrating on what has gone wrong in your life, you rob yourself of any incentive. Life has so much to offer. Seize the best opportunity and make the most of it.”

HEAL YOURSELF

Vasantha R Patri says the best way of moving on instead of concentrating on the feeling that life is passing you by is:

·         Never take an extreme stand on anything. Everyone cannot look like Barbie but chances are you are the one with brains, imagination or business acumen. Use it.

·         Concentrate on your strengths and don’t dwell on your limitations.

·         Be with people who are positive. Do good for others and you will feel good about yourself.

·         Set tasks for yourself that you enjoy doing. There are thousands of things waiting to be done. The world’s richest people are donating on different philanthropic issues; you too can join them and work for others.

·         For those who look at their partners limitations, remember one line: ‘May the one who is perfect be the one to cast the first stone’.