Mother wonders why i have been acting strange lately, I tell her that all is normal. She sees the bruises and scrapes up and down my arm. she asks how did it happen. as usual I say i must of got it when I was outside. I know I should tell her the truth but my heart won’t let me. I think I can handle it myself even though deep down I know that I can’t. As I return to my room i pull up my pants leg and begin. It’s the only way to make myself feel better. It hurts but less than when father comes home. I stare at the damage I did to myself. I know God doesn’t like it when you hurt yourself but if there is a God would he really put me in a place like this? I’m sorry I can’t stop I’ve even carved it in my leg. Disgusting, horrible, repulsive but true.

hours later mother goes out for her “job” I know what she is even though it hurts herself to know. Father comes home drunk like every Wednesday. The same routine follows. I’m used to it. I’m no longer afraid how could I after all these years. I lock the door shut and and climb out the window. I’ve done it many times he never knows. I’m a few feet away from the house I can hear the screaming and glass breaking from here, but strangely it doesn’t sound like it’s coming from our house. I hear foot steps I look but nothing is there. I feel as though someone or something is following me and watching my every move. I take a few more steps then out of the bush jumps father. he greets me with a slap in the face and kicks me when I’m down. I scream I cry I’m kicking, I’m hurting. He calls me a mistake and that I was a waste, I shouldn’t have been born. He has only begun, he won’t stop until every part of my body is throbbing with pain. an hour later I hear no screaming or yelling. although it has felt like an hour it is dawn. I must have passed out. As I walk home I see that the door is open with nobody inside. He must have left. If I’m lucky he’ll never come back. I look in the mirror at my wounded face and the bruises all over my body. although I pretty sure he just attacked me this time was different. It felt as if he had done more. Maybe I’m just tired as I go to bed I wish that I could just dream myself away from reality forever. We will have to wait and see what will happen next.